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Sunday, March 27, 2005 @ 7:37 PM
People relax RELAX.. ^_^ Wish to thank those who passed me a word of encouragement or two.. ^_^ I guess the fact that “being in sec 4” itself has made many freaked out partially, but thank goodness, not totally.. I just hope that everyone out there who’s reading this and is feeling stressed ( be it sec 4 or not ), will pick themselves up quickly and not be too over-stressed. Like wad ms woon said, “Those who are too high-strung may just snap one day, so relax”. I think I belong to this group too, but well, being stressed up for one year in sec three has somehow made me used to it or even numb. ( Just dun let any sad incidents eg. Mrs Hong’s sadness happen again.. otherwise I’ll get upset all over again.. ) I realized I belong to this weird group of people who do not very upset about all the bad or good things happening to them. Juz dun let me see others really heart-broken and sad ( and with a real valid reason ), otherwise I’ll feel sad with them ( and dun show it as usual ) and cry deep in my heart with them.. And suddenly, their sadness will trigger me off to think of my own unhappiness so kinda like a double blow.. This week there’s not much homework. And I find myself in this weird situation that I’m even more stressed without homework. It’s like when there’s homework, I’ll go “Omg, no time to finish. Must go go go” w/o homework, I’ll go like “I’m not doing anything. Die die die. And I’ll watch the clock go tick tock tick tock and think of every seconds I’ve lost doing nothing.” Then my whole body will tense up, literally and figuratively too. Due to adrenaline? Then I’ll go into a state of frenzy ( er.. dunno wad’s this la.. haha.. ) I think I MUST relax RELAX.. otherwise I’ll really snap and just die of a nervous breakdown.. Term 2 is always a cursed term for me.. never could do well for CA in Term 2. It’s always the Mid-year exam that pulls me up.. This year there’s no mid-yr.. but nvm.. as long as I know I’ve put in my share of my hard work, why care about the results.. Thursday, March 24, 2005 @ 3:47 PM
Lost in.. i dunno.. This has been an emotional week. First, on Monday, Ms Neo came in and gave us a “lecture”. But wad was significant about it was this sentence, “ I did not come in here to be Ms Popular. I don’t need you all to like me. I would rather you hated me and in the “O” level you did well than you like me and you cry when the results came back.” ( something lidat la ) Suddenly she became so wei da to me. On Wed, Ms woon came in and gave us a “lecture” too. About our class backsliding. Although she appeared to be unhappy because we nv score well for her, but somehow I felt some disappointment in wad she said. Dunno why, I sensed that she had high hopes on our class “ all of you have the potential”, but we’re juz not performing like wad we should be. She did it in a less obvious way, but the impression she gave me was that “it doesn’t matter if all of u were to hate me for my nagging when you walk out of the class, but for now, I hope that you will really buck up and unleash your full potential. At least not for me, but for yourself” Next Mrs Hong’s incident. I guessed this was the one that affected me most. That made me think back about how wei da our teachers are. I dunno wad happened to her previously, perhaps she was already unhappy and our class happened to trigger all her emotions. Extra wkshts were given back to her in a mess. She told our class and her eyes were red. “I took the initiative to print for you and you din appreciate it” Next, our class was making a lot of noise. Well not really a lot to me. The next moment, she walked out of the class, eyes red, even tearing. My heart ached for her. I felt a gush of energy wanting to run after her. But I held back – I dunno why. Only when Alvin, bc, joe, etc asked me to go after her, then did I went. I can feel the way she felt at that moment, probably this is wad I am feeling now. I am just so down, just so upset, but I dunno why. Suddenly my mind is in a mess and I just can’t help but to feel like crying. Today was sports meet. I felt really bad today. I felt that I have let the council down. I just can’t seem to carry out a simple duty like cheering well. Worse still, I’m so ashamed I’m an exco. I don’t even deserve this title. It’s just an insult to the rest who are in this group too that I’m in it. I want to be as enthu as the rest too, but I dunno how to go about doing it. I just sit there alone at times, not knowing wad to do. Sorry, dunno wad’s wrong with me. Am I thinking too much? Yes I am. Just suddenly I feel so I dunno wad to say. Yesterday nite I couldn’t sleep and I kept thinking thru these things. Today I dunno wad happened too, but there was this trigger that triggered off everything. I feel like crying but dunno for wad. Juz this crushing feelings in the heart. Thinking of all the things. Eg. how ppl sacrifice themselves for us etc. “Disappointment. Silence. Loneliness. Listening to tong hua. Suddenly feel like crying. Thrown into a corner of darkness. Can’t think. I don’t even know wad I’m upset about. I see no help. No one..” @ 3:40 PM
The Annual Sports Meet 2005 Today was the sports meet. Last year. Had to do duty for class councilor and cheerleader thing. Sec 1s not really co-operating but still ok la, ask them to move they will move, just that got a lot of comments. Come to cheerleading I think I fared miserably. I can get the enthusiasm to cheer only if my close friends are with me, so we can cheer together. Then we got to stand right in front, away from them, so I felt quite weird and thus cannot cheer out my best. As usual we din have very good result. However, I feel that TMS has achieved more awards than previously and everyone tried hard. Saw them with all the injuries when they reach the finishing line. We won cheering competition too though some teachers admitted that it was juz a “pity” to us. Sun wasn’t shining. At that moment, I tot the weather so kind to us. Not scorching. But now when I think back, I hesitated. Last time that we could experience being scorched by the sun with TMS. And now, the weather is like any other days. Suddenly I wished the sun had been burning hot. So that this feeling will remain with me even after I leave TMS. Something significant to leave behind in my heart. Oh, ms yeo ( last yr trainee ) joined Dunman High. Yup. I couldn’t recognize her ( I’m not supp to anw, she nv teach me ). Lots of things seem to be changing all at the same time. Wednesday, March 23, 2005 @ 10:24 PM
Sports Meet AhoY! Wow! Tomolo’s the sports meet.. hee.. actually I dun feel prepared.. Cause nv practice the other cheers, only the main one.. I think we’ll do a better job with our original temasek cheer. You can feel the gusto and enthusiasm when we’re doing that cheer. And we’re familiar with it. The new one like dun really have an impact leh.. but nvm lor, I’m sure on the actual day, everyone will juz cheer and not be got breath no breath like during practice. Sigh.. it seems so expected that our sch is going to emerge as the loser.. I wonder when this trend will change.. =’( I seem to be losing my commitment as days pass. As new tide of waves sweep across, the old tide has to give ways. And suddenly, I realized that many of the things, I’ll be doing it for the last time.. CNY celebration in TMS etc.. And upcoming sports meet too.. The last year, the last experience.. somehow I hope that we will not live in regret.. it’s time to do something.. Tuesday, March 22, 2005 @ 5:40 PM
Ah.. School has started.. Ok, the school started off well.. only received a shock that there will be a chem. Test on wed.. but I supp it’d be quite easy as compared to the rate of reaction test cause I think she is trying to help us pull up our marks.. ( unless it’s the other way round, we scored well for the rate of reaction and she’s trying to pull our marks down.. ) Quite a relaxed week if there was no SS SEQ hm to do, that took me like 4 hrs in all to complete.. -_-“ Coming up this week is the sports meet.. and good Friday.. today juz saw that there’s a speech day briefing.. guess wad? It clashes with my CIP thing as well as HCL and if the briefing drags on, it’d clash with my council meetin.. -_-“ Hmm.. I’ve got a bad feeling about this term.. hope things will turn out well.. =D Oh yes, for our CIP day, hope that we can get that children’s home. Then can carry out as planned – to have a party for the ppl there.. haha.. prays that things turn out well.. ^_^ Thursday, March 17, 2005 @ 9:50 PM
Some Lameology Life is a chemistry. You need various elements to make up your life, whether literally or figuratively. But most of the time, we just lack that very last element that would really give us a complete life. Take Lithium and Fluorine for instance. Li + F = LiF, but where is the last element -- E? We are constantly in search of the unknown, of the goal we have set to make things perfect. But see: Li = Li+ + e- , sometimes, we just need a little bit of creativity and thinking out of the box to seek the what we are constantly looking for. @ 9:29 PM
Holidays = ?? Hmm.. Nothing to do during holidays. Very bored.. I feel that the school is getting weirder and weirder.. like more and more slack on students.. Rmb sec 1, sec 2? In my memory, we had lots of holiday homework, esp during the SARS period. Rmb last yr’s March Hols? We had so much homework.. Then suddenly.. End of last year, there seems to be so little for us.. we were not even called back for any remedial except for a chem. Prac.. Now, except for Maths homework, there doesn’t seem to be any that we can really call a holidiay assignment.. Not exactly that there muz be work to do, but isn’t this so weird.. juz take any school, and they’ve all been called back during Dec hol for extra lessons. And before that, they were already ahead of us in syllabus.. so I’m kinda puzzled.. and I think 2nd half of the year will be real chaotic if this were to continue.. And my com’s weird nowadays.. very slow esp on net.. and it tends to hang. Esp. when I try to open the very 1st file for the very 1st time when I on the com, it would hang. Wonder wad’s wrong, anyone got any idea? Hmmm.. I doubt it’s virus.. ^o^ internet’s weird too.. I’m on the net but I can’t go anywhere.. I must get d/c myself a few times before I can go to any websites.. Monday, March 14, 2005 @ 6:49 PM
The world The regret of yesterday, the misery of today and the fear of tomorrow. Humans have evolved but is that really wad we want? A simple yesterday, a joyous today and a happy tomorrow. Which is better? When we reach the crossroads in life, it’s hard to make a choice – and often we think too much. In the end, it’s just that we have made the wrong choice. Perhaps we shld learn to trust our instinct more? Rather being manipulated by modern society, why not just trust in ourselves and move the way we want? Easy to say, hard to do.. We’re all living in a world of denial and life by itself is a big contradictory.. @ 6:48 PM
Hmmm.. Art or Zuo wen? Hmm.. today actually supp to go the art thing, but I din go. In the end, I joined the rest of my class at their zuo wen ban.. actually I have made up my mind yest to go.. but today when I reach school and see that all the ppl going are lower sec, of which less than half are from art club, I have second thoughts. Besides, I’m sure I can’t finish drawing in the half day time given. Anyway, those who did not go, will be given pic of the place to draw as homework, so I guess it doesn’t matters much whether I did go or not. But dunno why, suddenly like regretted not going leh. Like, I’ve nv been to botanic garden and here’s an opportunity to go and I just let a chance slip by lidat? Actually it’d be good to see some green once in a while and relax while being embraced in nature.. sigh.. but I guess even if I went, I won’t be enjoying it, cause no fren there and I’ll be so lost as to how to draw while the rest maybe would have already completed their art by then le.. Perhaps after “o-level”, I’ll get ppl to go there with me.. I wonder who would wan to go to a botanic garden.. I bet most would prefer if they could juz chill out whole day long at arcade, movie, shopping and so on.. I’d like it too, but perhaps juz spend a day soaking up the beauty of nature? True, not exciting, but well.. I juz need a break.. =D Sunday, March 13, 2005 @ 10:50 PM
Sometimes Sometimes in life, we let a chance slip by. Sometimes, we let the right one walk to us, past us and away from us. Sometimes, we live in the regret of yesterday, misery of today and the suspension of tomorrow. Sometimes, we wished that time would stop and turn back. Sometimes, we wished that time would pass quickly. Sometimes, we give up too easily. Sometimes, we hold on to things stubbornly. Sometimes, we wanted to say something so badly but the word just could not come out of our mouth. Sometimes, we wished we hadn’t said that something. Sometimes, we look at other’s life and think “ How great and wonderful life they are leading.” Sometimes, we just want to have a simple and peaceful llife. Sometimes, we wish for many sometimes to happen again and again. BUT, how many “sometimes” are there in life? We may spend a lifetime trying to search for that perfect goal, but in the end, we may have slipped by many “sometimes” and wasted many of our years. But when we stop and look at the “sometimes”, we learn from the process how imperfection may be the most perfect things on earth. @ 10:46 PM
Today's trip Went to the popular exhibition. Nothing much lor.. haha.. not as massive as I tot it would be. But I got some cheap stuff too.. 50 blank CDS for like $14.90. Then ex book, cards, those kind of plastic paper holder. And computer paper ( to my dismay later, my dad had already stocked up computer paper previously, so sort of like wasted effort carrying the 500 pieces of paper around ) Went with CC and family. Then we had some dessert at the nearby food court. I had Ice Kachang ( her father treat de.. thanks ^_^ ) and also some satay. Haha.. Later went bedok. Walked around looking at HP. Want to find one that has got MP3 and is a flip-up phone. Wonder wad brand is the brand that best suits me.. haha.. ate the hot and spicy chicken meal at long john silver too.. yum! Haha.. Sigh la, tomolo got to go for this art thing at botanic garden. Got to paint there from 8 to 5.. -_-“ why can’t I have zuo wen ban too? Haha.. @ 10:35 PM
Completion of 1/4 of the journey Ok, at last the term ended.. phew.. I can take a break for like 1 week? Well. I doubt it’d be much of a rest anyway. Sat was spent rushing homework. Today was spent outside the whole day. Going to popular expo thing and to bedok. Tomolo going to botanic garden to draw. -_-“ (how interesting can things get) Got back result slip. Well, how should I put it? Ok, I would say I did well this time ( just by looking at the results ) , but I wouldn’t say it exactly reflect my ability. It’s just that some teachers took a whole chunk of qn from the TYS while the standards of other tests eg. HCl just suddenly dropped. Also, some subject eg. el (where previously we could not prepare for it) gave us time to modify and prepare our final work. So yup, in real exam situation, I expect my grades to drop. ^_^ Friday, March 04, 2005 @ 10:27 PM
The Final Journey.. And destination.. ? This week was quite ok.. 2 test.. el and e maths.. e maths was ok, though I think have careless mistakes.. then el I’m very unsure.. those words that I was unsure of all came out.. haha.. The highlight of this week would be the student leader’s investiture ba.. luckily all went smoothly. I din drop the blazer or fall while walking or wad.. so phew.. well.. it’s the last investiture I’ll be going thru.. so this makes it even more impt.. Sigh.. it seems how fast time passes.. it seems like yest I entered this school and now I’ve come almost to the end of the sec sch journey and everyone all chiong-ing for the o-level le.. soon I’ll be out of the school and awaiting for a brand new JC life.. I’m convinced now that memories will flow back to you gradually but certainly when you reach sec 4. I no longer find it a chore to come to sch ( since sec 3 ).. now I can’t wait to get into school.. ^_^ Perhaps we dunno how to treasure things till the time we lose it or realize it’s gonna end? |