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Thursday, January 31, 2008 @ 7:03 PM
Mental Status Saw this quiz on AMZ's blog. about the status of your mental health i supp? @http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
oh no.. my mental state = pieces of me falling apart.. ROFL.. i do think i belong to 2 categories tho.. @ 5:59 PM
R formula haha. left sch at about 3pm.. but instead of coming home to rest, it's more of like me bringing back my work to do at home.. haha.. finding some R formula thingy for maths. actually i realise it's easier to learn things when you're not assuming the identity of a student. dunno y.. haha.. everything (thus far) just seems to make sense to me now.. which i think i'd need to spend more time understanding if i'm a student.. to think i even thought the R formula was F formula -_-" went on random search for F formula. got so many f1 formula racing things.. =X @ 4:16 PM
coffee prince Yes! coffee prince ended le.. = today will hav hk show.. haha.. actually i kinda anticipated the screening of coffee prince.. but the show itself was really a disappointment.. Throughout i only know that the story hovers around how Encan and Hanjie had ai mei relationship, even tho both are "guy". and how eventually it was revealed that Encan is a girl and the true relationship that they went into thereafter. and it kinda gets on my nerve towards the end. Encan and Hanjie are lik so mushy towards each other. i was expecting their relationship to be something like 我的野蛮女友.. the girl rough rough and act dun care the guy. someone Encan supp to be guy guy, and Hanjie supp to hav lots of man ego. aiyo dunno wad toking me la. haha. there was only one part of the ending that touched me. when encan was about to leave for Italy, the Coffee prince waiters took turns to bid farewell to her. and Halin's way of saying goodbye was really touching. normally such a confident guy or at least someone who tries to put on a confident front and so chatty. yet he lost all his words and could not talk anymore. Rather, he put down all his emotions on paper. i think if i'm encan, this way of saynig goodbye will really touch me. after all, i dun like things to be stated explicitly. and the playback on the times they spent together! so sweet! oh ya.. and towards the end, when there was a quick recap on wat the staff went thru.. that part is also nice.. ^^ we nv realise what we are really going thru until we look back at our lives.. P.S Hi Revolving Doors of Vegenance.. (the El title sounds cool =P ) Tuesday, January 29, 2008 @ 5:07 PM
Personality test Did this personality test that hc did @ http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx i think the test results are quite true.. haha.. Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. How do you view success: Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working. What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. I think the part on what i'm most afraid of is very true.. =) as for the rest.. i might not be certain whether they are true when i look at them part by part.. but as a whole, the description is quite me.. in fact, i didn't know this is the me.. until i look at the analysis and i go, ya.. quite true.. haha.. Monday, January 28, 2008 @ 6:09 PM
CNY coming soon lalala.. feel so happy thinking that CNY is coming soon.. =) today went into one of ms neo's lesson.. wa.. shld c the contrast in how the class behaved during my lesson and her lesson. haha. i must really be more firm siah. haha. but can't help it. i wil just smile or laugh suddenly when i talk to the class.. -_-" anw, today's a long day. i dunno y also. =X haha.. but i decided to finish my target work output for today before coming home. =) oh.. and the teacher sitting beside me today offered me one of her self-baked fruitcakes. it's really nice. =) haha. she added Brandy and XO in the cake.. wahha.. nice nice.. ^^ haix.. i need to rush dou niu yao bu yao eps 11 in 45min.. =S oh btw anyone wanna go chen lao shi's house during CNY? ^_^ @ 6:03 PM
Weekend updates ah.. i din update over the weekend.. haha.. too "busy".. sat had class gathering.. it wasn't really a class gathering.. i think about 5-6 turned up only ba.. haha.. walked from somerset to dhoby ghaut and back again.. haha.. i miss walking actually.. it's fun to just walk.. then most of the time, we were in taka. and i finally get to eat Auntie Anne. hmm. actually it;s not really really that nice ba.. but stil nice. =) anw i was really hungry that day, so i tot that was the best outlet to go to for snacks. hee. Sun went out with my family.. went to the Giant megastore at tampines. they told me we were going to shop for CNY goodies. turn out they went there to get some stainless steel pot which went out of stock. haha. nonetheless, i stil bought some snacks to bring into office. otherwise i always get hungry, yet to lazy to go canteen, and too paiseh to grab some biscuit in the room. =X bought Tops, some preserved fruits (whcih my dad insist is nice) and prawn cracker (thsoe red colour kind). i hope my throat dun die on me again.. i got an ulcer near my throat now.. sobx. =( oh and i must comment on my big appetite nowadays. just looking at Sun, i ate sushi for dinner. then came home and ate almost half of the cheesecake i bought. then after that ate fa gao. before i slept, my dad cooked instant noodle, so i ate that too. and my dad insist on peeling an orange. so despite feeling full, i stil stuffed that orange down my throat. rofl. and i can't sleep until 1pm because of how stuffed i felt. ROFL. but wee~ it's been instant noodle treat before i sleep for the past few days.. yay! and speaking of food.. i'm hungry now.. =P Friday, January 25, 2008 @ 1:00 PM
lesson on thurs oh ya before i forget!! yest i felt satisfied with my lessons too! now i see the importance of really preparing your lesson before going into class.. and observing how ms neo taught the last lesson was really helpful.. =) i think i was able to evaluate what the groups presented, put in my input and engage the class in the discussion.. cuz this time i really knew my work.. was making my own notes while watching show the night before.. haha.. and i was silently pleased that they actually took down the notes that i made.. meaning that they felt that it might be useful, rather than it's totally nonsense.. =) and durign the lessons, i get students asking me questions.. as well as at the end of class, stundets come up to me to ask me things like how to diff b/w details and explanation.. which gives me confidence.. in the sense that they believed me enough ask me question, knowin that i might be able to provide the right answer. yay! but at the same time.. yest i made a big blunder.. =( i was followig 2 timetable yest.. so for the timetable that i was supp to follow for that week, my next lesson was 1.5hr from the previous one. but for ms neo's timetable, there's one more lesson in between that two lesson. so strictly speaking, my next lesson shld be 0.5hr from the last one. and i forgot about it. so i was about to set off for lesson when i saw that i got the timing wrong. -_-" haix. i shouldn't hav spent so much time in the canteen "celebrating" the TMS's good grades. otherwise if i'm in the staffroom (and being paranoid), i'd hav checked my timetable over and over again.. sobx.. +_+~ @ 12:54 PM
Rubik Cube yay! i finally made my first rubik cube.. =)
wonder what's with those holes? wellx.. it fell apart so many times that i gotta unscrew some parts in order to fix the whole cube together. this one is the fake cube you see.. so gonna go toyrus to buy the real one.. =) in terms of solving it, i "solved" it many times.. cuz my rubik cube keep falling apart, so i manually got to put all the pieces back in the right position many times.. -_-" but this is my first time truly SOLVING it! =) but of cuz it was done with the help of online tutorial. haha. the first layer was pretty much about using ur own brain.. 2nd layer got fixed step, but i more or less know what to do le.. it's jsut the last layer.. haha.. i was following step by step instruction in order to solve it.. so without the help, i stil can't solve it.. so now, i'm gonna brush up on my last layer skills.. =) Thursday, January 24, 2008 @ 6:11 PM
HAPPY!! CONGRATS TMS OH MY!!! I"M SO HAPPY!!!! =) i was halfway thru my SS lesson, when suddenly the PA system came on. the VP was talking, and she gave us 1min to keep silent.. and then.. "Since our students have done so well in the o-level, i declare tomolo as one day off!" oh my, as i type this, i'm just too excited to do anything.. and the whole class was like cheering away, clapping, shouting.. then we did the three cheers with the principal over the PA system. i was really really totally happy.. i mean ya.. i haven really felt so so SO SO happy for a long time. it's those kind of true happiness that u'd love to embrace without any reservation.. i'm just like SO touched and happy and i dunno wad to say.. it's just that rush of emotions.. even tho i'm not the one recieving the results, but i felt so so so happy.. in fact, i was much more 激动 than 2 yrs ago when i'm supp to be getting the results.. when i heard that announcement, i was really touched til the point wher i almost cried.. of cuz i din, can't malu in front of students.. hee.. till now as i type this, i stil feel those tears of joy in my eyes.. from that point in time til now, i just keep getting this tug at my heart that prompts me to smile and tears to flow.. Cat (the other RT who graduated same yr as me) also felt like crying.. we were like, "ya, why are we so happy?!??!" i just keep getting this feeling that i wanna just grab hold of someone and we just cheer and cry together manx.. so weird of me rite.. last yr when i heard that TMS dropped, my heart sank and i felt like crying.. this year, we improved by alot and did well, my heart floated (lol) again but i stil feel like crying.. lol! anw, i couldn't go on with lesson, so i chit chatted with the students, and gave them early recess.. went back to the staffroom and all the teachers were like so excited!!! the P was there too, thanking all the teachers.. i mean.. the staffroom is so alive!! i'm proud of TMS!!! GO GO GO!!! imagine.. i wasn't even teaching this previous batch yet i could feel this happy for them.. wad about the teachers whom slogged with them.. If i were them, i think i'd just break into tears of extreme joy la! mayb i'd just jump around in school.. i stil rmb seeing all the teachers feeling scared and stressed before THE BIG DAY.. and how ms neo went around saying she's very scared.. how?? and asking us to pray for the students.. now i'm seeing the other side of the story.. OH MAN! i just can't finish expressing how happy i am now la!! so how well did we do? 100% pass and ~40% dist for EL. 60+++% dist for combined humans (111 A1) as compared to national's 30%. i mean ya!! look at these 2 tough tough subject!!! our students are doing so well in them!!!!!! look at it!!!!! no need to mention other things, it's obvious we've improved from last yr le!! I'm glad for the students, the teachers and the school!!! i think i can just go on forever about how happy i am.. shall wait for the news about whether we'd be getting value-added for the subjects.. =) i'm so looking forward to it!! congrats TMS! Go go temasek go, together we achieve our goals make it fast, make it strong together we will stand up tall Go.. Temasek!! Tuesday, January 22, 2008 @ 4:38 PM
Golden Path Golden Path ended le.. =(it was really quite good for a local production.. it's one of the rare shows recently tat managed to catch my parents' attention and they'd actually look forward to and watch every single episode. except for my dad who misses alternate week's eps cuz on night shift.. anw.. i liked the ending.. =) such tragedies.. so many ppl died.. jin feng, jin long, bak kut girl and kaijie.. i was actually quite shocked and maybe touched when kaijie died.. so he was true to fei fei after all.. all along, i've always tot that he had other motives for being together with fei fei.. but the fact is, when he was running away, he stil kept their photo in his wallet.. til his last moment, he was reaching out for that wallet with their photos in it.. i dunno if that's wad the director was trying to show, but i think it's about how ppl truly realise who are the ones that mean alot to them during extreme moments, such as before death.. in life, it's easy to get distracted by things that seem to mean alot to u but actually dun from things that truly truly mean alot to you because things are taken for granted.. Jin long's suicide was a sad one, but i think it's a smart move of him.. rather than staying on to be tormented by the pains of being left alone in this world, he chooses to end it all up.. mayb it's just cowardice, but stil, you need the courage to end everything just like that.. when there's no more value in your existence, it's a good choice to end it.. and i'm quite glad he chose to die for bak kut girl. at least he wasn't killed, he had the choice.. and the 2 make a good match. i nv tot he and fei fei wil be together. i think kaiqi's role in the story very extra leh.. luckily kaida recovered. otherwise really very wasted. like what jin long says, he is a honest and good man. life is really unpredictable.. it's scary.. but at the time, that's what makes life interesting.. u nv know what to expect the next moment.. Monday, January 21, 2008 @ 6:32 PM
tired ah.. feeling tired now.. yest nite almost couldn't sleep.. =x just finish eps 10 of dou niu yao bu yao.. i think the show's really not bad.. and zicong is really nice.. so is qian na.. =) seems like i'm liking the "not the main cast" cast.. lol! just in time, 7pm now.. off to watch shou zu.. Saturday, January 19, 2008 @ 11:42 PM
AMZ Chalet + BBQ wee~~ back from bbq ^_^ had great fun manz.. haha.. met sh and sarah @ Tampines.. then i went shop shop for some files and pens at popular.. while the other two went to NTUC to buy some drinks and mashmellow. =) and wow!!! there are so many changes to the tampines interchange la. in terms of the variety of goods sold. it's like MORE clothes, MORE bags and MORE shoes.. i shall go shop shop there one day for CNY stuff.. mayb tomolo.. see tired not ma.. haha..  whilst waiting for the bbq to start, we chatted away.. =) feels good seeing those good old (jkjk) friends.. and doing some catching up.. everyone's working.. and toked about wad we're gonna be doing in uni and stuff.. and some interesting stuffs, like cold jokes? =P the feeling's great to be together as one group again.. just liek those good old days.. food was good.. =) esp liked the satay.. but oh gosh.. did i eat too many of it? hopefully i dun lose my voice tomolo.. (CHOY!) drank the three leg water just now.. and i intend to down alot of water now.. haha.. then we helped sarah pre-celebrate her birthday.. lolx.. the cake was nice.. fruit cake.. at least a change from choc cake.. and it's really quite nice =) but din stay over.. =( so went home at around 9.30pm lorx.. luckily got the few of them walk me to MRT.. thanks a lot! ^^ staying over must hav been great fun manx.. those good old days.. those good old fun.. @ 12:35 PM
happy happy yay!!!! coffee prince is gonna end on 30th jan.. and the new show is a hk show!! wee~~~ can't believe i haven watched hk shows for like a month le?? =) so nice to see them back..wells.. tho the title doesn't sound interseting, but the content does.. i guess the feeling it gives me is a bit like qing xian ye zhong huan.. about all those psychological war humans initiate on one another.. anw. today saw this review of how the shows did on the various channels.. wee~~ hk show rules in channel u! yay!! and surprisingly indeed, angels of misson topped the chart man! haha.. too bad Chu Han Jiao Xiong didn't get a very good position.. =( and.. the only korean show that went in was Witch yuxi^^ which is a show that i quite enjoyed too.. haha.. so i'm happy with wad i'm seeing since i agree with it.. but for channel 8 shows, i dun agree.. =( why did bao bei fu nu bing win?? to me it doesn't make much sense de.. =( oh wells.. for movies, i wonder y did spiderman 3 win..from the name itself, i already dun wan to watch it at all lor.. =X one last dance was ranked 79.. well, at least it managed to squeeze into the ranking rite? haha.. so exciting!! later got bbq.. but must control.. can't eat too much.. otherwise gotta say bye bye to voice again.. esp when i haven fully gotten back my voice. haix. Friday, January 18, 2008 @ 7:15 PM
maple and coffee prince just had a long session of maple. and as usual, i'd feel like i've wasted my time away.. but this time it was done out of purpsoe.. haha.. anw, all i wanted to say about maple is that.. it's really quite boring le..=X anw, coffee prince getting mroe and more boring le.. haix.. =X luckily ending soon le.. wonder what's the next show.. @ 4:16 PM
bu an jing de ye 谁都知道抛开一切是讽刺。。 Oh my.. wad's wrong with me? i'm lik addicted to bu an jing de ye now la. lol. it was released like months ago, and i've heard it since then.. slowly like nv listen to it. but suddenly just got this craze over the song lorx.. i'm like watching the MV, then listen to just the song, and wathcing the mV and so on.. lol! actually it's not very touching la the song. i just liek the way the song twists here and there.. very fun to hear the rythm and the 真假音。。 if u're bad at something, no point telling urself u r bad at it.. learn and try it out.. sooner or later, u'd learn from ur lessons.. feeling a bit rojak now.. dunno wad i'm thinking about also.. mind's in a mess.. i think i'm going to play maple now ba (after one month?) to just take a break from everything.. haha.. laughing because of laughin? @ 3:43 PM
remorseful haix.. it's the last working day of the week.. was initially very happy.. esp since i reached home at around 2.30pm? but now something keeps bugging me.. i think i did a very evil thing.. feeling guilty now.. yest ms neo came back from her bali recee trip.. today came back from mc.. it must have been tiring for her and her leg muscles r aching.. so i was told to continue lessons with her class, while she just go in and observe.. then immediately i got quite scared and nervous.. i didn't feel confident about my own style of teaching.. and to hav a teacher observing me made me feel quite stressed out.. as in, i wasn't stressed la,but i had the feeling of "what m i gonna do? i can't do it.. i can't make it.." so later on i made a request of she teaching and i observing.. at that point in time, i was hoping to get a chance to observe how a teacher teach for the first time in this job.. as in, ya.. i hav seen how teachers teach when i was a student.. but i wouldn't be observin the style and stuff.. so i was hoping i can learn up some teaching styles and classroom management techniques.. but at the same time, i guess it was a selfish move too.. engulfed by my own fears, din haf the courage to teach a class in front of another teacher.. in the end, she taught the class.. she didn't really agree to it.. now i feel like i'm shifting my job to her and sort of like forcing her to teach the class.. =( cuz i was like "can can can?" all the way to class, until the students come in, so it's like leaving her with no choice but to start teaching.. haix.. now i'm feeling super bad la.. =X it's like what's the use of getting a relief teacher to help out if she isn't of any help at all? i must really be less self-conscious and be more confident manx.. i shld hav taken up this task today.. then i can learn from wher i went wrong, and improved my teaching skills.. instead i was like viewing things too negatively, as tho i wil get condemned if i did anything wrong.. come to think of it, if i really make any mistake, and she points it out, and i realised what went wrong, isn't it better? anw the point is, the fact that she wanted me to teach even tho she's physically in sch muz hav meant that she was really tired. and it was my responsiblity to help her out. but i just shrinked away from my job. which was a totally evil thing to do.. feel really sorry about it.. haix.. nv lighten workload, but instead made things worse.. anwz.. what's been done cannot be undone anymore.. and no point living in guilt forever.. i must also learn to pick myself up and learn from this experience.. and next time, i really promise i will try my very best to help in all areas. i won't let this repeat itself.. no more excuses.. no more nothing.. must really grow up and quit hiding behind anything i can grab hold of.. Thursday, January 17, 2008 @ 5:40 PM
Xu ren jie + pan yu wen = pu meng ren OH!! isn't it exciting?? both xu ren jie and pan yu wen singing together! so qiao. they are my 2 fav singers in xing guang bang. ^^ sighs, but i prefer stanely's bu an jing de ye tho =X ah!! i dun care, bu an jing de ye shall be top on my music playlist now!! muahaha.. i listened + watched video of it like so many times just now.. haha.. and i attempted to sing it twice. but wells. voice haven completely recover, so the quality is worse than the bad that i used to sound. =X and the saddest thing is that cuz of this throat thingy, i can't hit all the high note. i rmb last time when my throat was all well and fine, i enjoyed doing the high and fake voices of the song. somewhere at 3min+. shiok siah.. but sobz.. gotta wait for complete recovery.. haix. and i was wondering if i shld stick on to my idea of havin just 9 songs on my playlist, or shld i hav as many songs as possible? hmmx.. oh! more more!! (haha.. editing my post as i find more stuff.. =P)stanely singing tian shi ji du de sheng huo =) and more more more!! 2008 CNY Celebration.. =) @ 1st i tot he wun be able to do the high note part live. but i was wrong.. he did it very well!!!! in fact the beginning part wasn't very well sung, but towards the end, he was in total control!! @ 4:57 PM
i am legend wee~ just finished watching "I Am Legend".. quite a not bad show.. the most touching parts were when the dog died, and when Wil Smith died.. oh ya.. the "things" infected by the diseases are definitely not vampires.. i insist. lol! in fact they reminds me of mummies from the show "the mummies". vampires r much more cooler than those things. lol anw.. i realise we (=ppl of same age) r really getting older le.. when we start to reminisce the past, ponder over those good old times.. haha.. youth is really something to be treasured isn't it? lolx. this post was supp to be posted like 1 hr ago, but i went on some random video search. haha.. too busy u c.. ROFL! the answer to the unaswered question.. it was real.. Wednesday, January 16, 2008 @ 5:14 PM
rojak post eating 木薯糕 now.. haha.. yum yum. and finally i get to drink milo after 3 weeks? cuz it's kinda heaty and i dun wanna aggravate my throat further.. haha.. anw, voice recovering, but not complete recovery yet. sighz. and i finally know what's my weight.after 2 yrs of trying to guess my weight with the 2 "dunno spoil or anot" weighing machine at home.. anw, seems like i'm stil below the 40kg mark. so i must jyjy to reach exactly that mark. wee~ anw, today was staff exercise day. or whatever u call that. haha. i signed up for brisk walk, but lasst minute i changed to netball. played netball, followed by badminton. it's great fun manz. *psst* u get to see the "childish" and fun side of the teachers. how i wish we can hav it every week. wee~anw, it's really hilarious to see teachers snatchin the ball and refusing to giv in to each other (of cuz in a fun manner), just lik the way students wil behave.. haha.. and it's like the first time i'm exercising after 4 months of latency (wad word is that??).. feels totally refreshing and wow! it's as tho my body was under hibernation for like 4 months? haha.. calling out to all friends: shall we play badminton one day?? ^^ today did general relief. and the class i got was small again! 20 ppl. and they were nice ppl once again.actually i think uppper sec students are easier to control than lower sec students cuz they're more matured? anwz, i think the prob stil lies with me.. haha.. cuz i was nv a children lover.. =X today's chicken chop was nice! ^^ alot of gravy. lolx. pity no more fries le. everyday =X but then again, not good for my throat, so it's ok. just hope that the fries wil come back, along with my voice! o.o" oh and i missed huang jin lu yest nite. haix. fell asleep on my sofa =X missed half an hour of coffee prince too. anw it wasn't as nice as i tot. the story is getting draggy and meaningless. I think i prefer the sideline ppl rather than the main cast. ppl like hanxing, mingye, the waffle guy, the hong boss etc makes the show interesting and funny.. so rojak siah this post!! the answer to the unanswered question.. it is just fantasy.. Monday, January 14, 2008 @ 3:19 PM
fun and useful day ah.. yet another day.. but today was much more fun.. cause i really had classroom time!! as in not just go in and do general relief. not just go in and giv ws and i stare at them. but i get to teach ^^ today my classes were sec 1s and sec 4s. lolx. wad a big difference.. i think it's really nice when u enter a class that's "work and fun". they might be noisy, but it's fine with me. as long as what they're saying is out of fun and most importantly, they know when to stop. those kind of class very fun siah. haha. at the same time, they giv u quality work lorx. i was quite impressed. haha. their one para of factor is like one page long. haha. anw, i'm back at home at around 3pm? LOL! it's almost like not working la, the hours is quite good. and i feel so useful today. cuz got 4hrs of lessons out of the 6hrs i was there. ^^ just went to check out facebook. oh my. u know wad? it's so difficult to maintain it la. there's so much activities in this website. woah~ but it's quite fun tho. but i think i stil prefer friendster la. haha. too much activities for me to keep up with.. lol! Sunday, January 13, 2008 @ 10:43 AM
haix haix.. parents bought roti prata for breakfast.. after eating some of it, i can feel my voice going away again.. sigh.. now feeling a bit unwell.. maybe used too much computer le ba.. Saturday, January 12, 2008 @ 7:09 PM
blood type test wahah.. did this test on Facebook.. so happy!! it's a blood type test and i got.. my ideal blood type: AB!! Your blood type is AB. Your personality is popular yet controlled, sociable yet aloof,Outgoing yet shy, sensitive yet thoughtless, a very split personality.This makes you very exciting friend indeed. You are most compatible with: everyone! i think very true lei!! i'm such a split personality person.. =) but compatible with everyone? hmmmx.. =X haha.. i tot blood type AB shld be the selfish blood type, how come can compatible with everyone?? lol @ 7:01 PM
brightening blog after so many "low" post, i shall brighten up my blog a bit.. thanks to all those hu gave me support and encouraged me along the way.. haha.. ^_^ whether or not it was explicitly said or it's just silent support, i appreciate it.. =) okies.. and now i forgot what's the happy thing(s) that i wanted to say now.. =X anw, today got this show about old age de. something like 爷爷你的名字很难叫.. it's really quite nice.. really touching.. at least it touched me.. not those conventional kind of senarios wher the situation is not real.. anw, in almost every episode got someone die.. haix.. and it's not those korean kind of drama drama death.. it's something very real.. of old age, of loneliness.. how some were defeated by illnesses. how some were deserted and could not bear the feeling of loneliness and eventually committed suicide cuz they find that they hav finished their task on earth and hav no more value in this world anymore.. which kinda makes me want to do some volunteer work to just help in some way or another. been such a long time since i did something meaningful. ever since LEO club ended.. anyone wanan join in the volunteer work or know how to go about doing it? =) @ 6:53 PM
small matter after a bath, i feel much more better le.. mayb sometimes we just need a form of 解脱.. haix, i just tot of the el word to replace jie tuo then i 4got wad it is in like 1 sec. haha. anw, the thing is that i dun lik ppl to force me to buy things when i myself know that i dun really like it. in times of emergency, bo bian, gotta buy to just tide me over. but when all is peaceful and rosy, and it isn't urgent, i dun see the need to just keep buying and buying and buying.. in fact, i think i can survive one term with the clothes i hav now. 5 tops, 2 skirts, 2 pants. more than enough la. some more fri is dress down day = my casual wear can come into pix. anw, i intend to wear class tee this coming week and c how things go (see if the students really think i'm a student/whether i get into trouble with the authorities for wearing "school shirt" with jeans. lol!) well.. i know the intention is good.. but i just dun like to swallow the fact that others are angry with me over things that applies to me and to me, it's just a small thing.. but oh wells, i'm fine now.. haha.. after all, it's really just a small matter.. Friday, January 11, 2008 @ 6:19 PM
torn apart by reality joined facebook.. for fun ba.. and mayb cuz ppl around me hav a facebook.. haha.. seems like following wad the whole world is doing rite? aiya but i dun care as long as i'm happy doing it.. haha.. as i did some configuration in Facebook, i saw y i was feeling so low nowadays.. or shld i say for quite some time? i guess i was lacking that sense of joy i had in TMS.. feels like i've reverted back to the kind of life b4 i entered TMS.. dun wish to tok about it, makes me feel so scared and alone.. right now, i finally found wad's wrong.. that joy during my TMS times is slowly peeling away, breaking apart.. it's a slow, gradual and painful process.. no wonder for the past few years i kept askin this question of why i seem to be laughing more often, but am i really happy? i guess those times were my happiest times.. i met some of my closest friends there.. but as we went into diff sch/class during JC times, there was a "gap" in my life.. True, we stil meet each other early in the morning in the canteen or during gatherings, but i'd always be convincing myself that nothing's the same as before.. felt that they needed their new life, and if i were to tok too much or anyhting, i'd be disturbing their lives.. the distance that was never there.. slowly manifesting itself into the truth.. and eroding inside out.. it's kinda ironical.. when i first left TMS, i felt as tho i was really torn apart.. as time passes, i accepted that changes were inevitable and i shld just treasure the times i had.. now that i'm back, i din feel the excitment and joy that i shld hav.. it seemed as tho i didn't belogn there.. no.. that's the wrong way of saying it, but i dunno how to describe this feeling.. and it's worse this way.. when you hav a dream, and u can nv turn it into a reality, at least there's stil this small little sparks of hope and fantasy.. but when it's really a physical reality, and it differs from all ur fantasies, it kinda kills off that dreamy part that u held onto all these while.. and it really hits you.. hard.. if knowing is worse than not knowing.. i'd rather not know, or pretend not to know.. self-denial and escapism.. but that's the only way out, until enough strength is found to face the truth.. i shall stop just here.. yup.. @ 6:01 PM
the shell another day.. but stil din manage to walk out of my shell.. u know wad? it's time to really step out and face the world.. i shall psycho myself over the weekend.. meanwhile i shall convince myself to push all thoughts out of my mind.. Thursday, January 10, 2008 @ 5:34 PM
dao? maybe it's time to be not so withdrawn.. or put it across bluntly, dao.. din mean to be so cold.. but dunno y.. just dun wan to appear online on msn.. always appear offline.. avoid having too much online communication eg. forums and chats.. i dunno y also. but i seem to be drifting further and further away from everywhere, everyone, everything.. haix.. @ 5:12 PM
low feel a bit out of place now.. quite low? seeing everyone growing up and changing.. but i feel like i'm just lingering around.. oh! i thikn "Linger" aka "Hu Die Fei" is gonna be a nice show.. but that's jus a random statement.. anw, i think it's time to snap out of being afraid and scared.. esp of the unknowns.. if things haven happened yet, no point thinking overly much.. it seems like i can always branch out a thousand and one consequence of doing something til the point that i'm convinced that i shouldn't do anything in the first place.. assumptions.. kills at times.. @ 4:51 PM
6th day of work 6th day of work.. i think i quite slack.. til the extent of feeling quite guilty.. hmmmx.. i think tomolo i must go ask around if there's anything for me to do. anw, my voice is stil on the road to recovery.. =X but at least it's nearing the finishing point. i hope it gets well before next week. when i'm gonna start on about 2 weeks of lessons. =) from my experience thus far and what i heard about others' experience, i think it's time for me to hav some confidence in myself.. sometimes even tho some things are common sense, i refused to believe in myself until i hav reassurance from others that yes i'm rite.. mayb it's time to build up some "master" sense in myself, rather than retaining too much of the "servant" sense in me.. having this job.. in front of ur students.. i think must really act a bit knowledgeable.. even if u know that little bit of info, u hav to phrase it in such a way that it looks like it's really that fact and bring it across confidently.. that way u can get them to trust ur ability.. but i just hav the habit of doubting myself.. i'd say things like "i think", "maybe", or my eyes wil dart all around the place.. as long as what i know has a little gap or flaws, i'd take it that i dunno.. and i'd start blaming myself (of cuz silently in me la.. ) and i shld really stop thinking so much.. all the time i'd be thinking that everyone hates me.. unless they do or say something explicitly that makes me feel at ease.. oh wells... all say and nothing done.. it seems like i do know what are some problems with me.. but yet i dun seem to be doing anything to improve the situation.. zzz.. and how did my post stray from work to all about me? =X Tuesday, January 08, 2008 @ 6:38 PM
5th day of work 5th day of work.. haha.. ok today quite slack la.. tho boring, but i was quite glad about it.. at least i can give my voice a rest so that it can hopefully get better.. dunno y over the weekend, my voice got worse again. sigh. =( next week gonna take over classes le, so good for me not to hav official lessons this week so that my voice can recover in time for lessons next week. =) meanwhile i can do my preparation work and all those com and paper stuff.. haha. which reminds me, the com in sch doesn't like me. =( 2 thumbdrive cannot read. my mp3 which i hoped can be used to sub as thumbdrive also din work. haix. even having info burnt inside a cd, the com also can't work with it.. zzz.. first the cd drive keeps opening on its own. after i close it, it opens. after restarting com, the prob still persist!! then after that finally i got it to close and load the CD.. guess wad? they tell me.. my cd is corrupted/not formatted.. -_-" and now i try it at home, it's working perfectly fine. LOL! funny siah the system.. i hav no idea wad's wrong and i can't find out too, since i got limited access to the com = cannot tweak the stuff inside.. =( OH YA! today i forgot to bring my hp to sch! =X some more it's a long day that was supposed to last till 6pm ( well meeting ended at 5pm =)) and i din hav my hp with me. although i'm not super reliant on it (since ppl seldom sms or call me) but i did feel a bit handicapped w/o it.. sigh.. and.. i think i've cleared all the late days in school/elsewhere le. 5 straight days of going home not-so-early. (early=2pm? ) which means.. there's chance that i can reach home like around 3pm everyday from tomolo onwards?? haha.. but of cuz if i do clear my work for the day.. =) wee~ and.. tomolo school starts late. actually every wed. so just gotta report to sch by 9pm. cool~ haha. can report earlier also la, if wanna join in the bonding activities? but lazy to come sch so early.. can zzz more.. = can zzz later.. haha.. most impt msg of the day.. i want my voice back!!!! =X Monday, January 07, 2008 @ 5:04 PM
4th day of work 4th day of school.. one of the busiest day.. Got 2 classes today.. ok la, actually so far i din really teach.. just give them work to do then go thru answer.. sometimes it's really a dilemma.. u want to hav students giving u attention as u tok, but if they keep ultra quiet, u dunno if they're really listening to you.. or if they tok alot, u also dunno if they r just crapping away or really thinking it thru.. anw, seems like the humanities and el department really need ppl.. alot of the teachers last time r now taking up these subjects as a second teaching subject. lol.. feels kinda weird.. oh! i hav no more lessons for the week.. so gonna prepare lessons materials for the teachers. =) but sian la, my thumbdrive can't work with my com.. zzz.. then later rushed down to science park.. wow.. science park is like another bipolis. inside like a town by itself. anw, interview was rather ok. not in terms of my performance, but in terms of the feeling they gave me. generally it wasn't a serious setting. basically just sit around and they asked a few questions.. somemore we can start conversation and laugh away de.. haha.. hmmmx, ok la not that casual.. as in, it wasn't that serious until you can't smile or give a slight laughter.. i dun lik it when i'm grilled by rigorous questioning.. so overall the feel was ok.. the ppl there really quite friendly.. =) a busy day is a fulfilling day.. Sunday, January 06, 2008 @ 11:01 PM
Flu Woes haix.. the flu and cough caused so much disruption, so much chaos.. it's time to learn to hav a mind of my own.. @ 10:05 AM
on to road to recovery + flu voice on the road to recovery le~ can tok quite naturally. tho can't strain it as yet. and i stil can't really sing out sentences. lolx. the moment i can sing as i usually do, it would mean that my voice has fully recovered. at least that's wad i do to judge if i got back my voice already anot. haha. but.. now comes another thing.. got flu now.. =X nose been running for past 2 days. without me doing anything, my nose just keeps running. no need to blow or anything. tissue must be beside me all the time. zzz. sighx.. and dunno if it's due to the flu, but my throat feels weird now. it's not dry, netiehr does it hurt. it just feels "not normal". lolx. anw, stoned away almost the whole of today. haha. dunno wad to do=X ate breakfast for like1 hr. then washed my hair for another hour. ok la not so kua zhang. was doing hair mask using the silkpro conditioner, so just sat around with that cream stil on for lik 20min. haha. and now i'm stil in the state of ?_? wad do i hav to do now? lol. Saturday, January 05, 2008 @ 3:55 PM
sleep sleep sleep wow~ i spent like almost every single moment of today sleeping. lolx. dunno y very tired la.. woke up ate breakfast, then slept. wake up eat lunch, then sleep until now. wake up again, and using computer.. anw, my class today having another outing. haha. gave it a miss cuz gonig kbox. and my voice haven recover fully, i wun want to lose it any further. haha. anw, going by the frequency of class gatherings we're havin thus far, it wun be diff to meet next time soon. LOL! think going out to shop for clothes and some etc stuff. i realise the clothes i buy thus far are mostly black, white, grey. haha. need more colours, otherwise i'd appear to be such a dull person. and personally, i dun really like just plain black and white combi for clothes. haha. last time i made such choices cuz i dunno how to judge how formal is not casual for a teacher. yay! friday is dress down day. =X so random of me. haha. anw, now maple is 2x. oops. no, at the point of time as i type this, it's 4.00pm. aka 2x ended le. looks like i missed it anwz.. haha. tonight got "The Election". 黑社会. yay!! i think i'd like this show. Got Simon Yam (yum? yim? ok ren da hua ). i tot i saw tony leung's name, but apparently it seems like it's liang jia hui instead. haha. [added] woohx.. html gives such a headache at times. yest kept searching for the place to change my sign off name from "last post" to "buruichiban". today then found siah. and that's after comparing with the html code from my previous blogskin. and it's really one line one line slowly scrutinise de. lolx. Friday, January 04, 2008 @ 7:03 PM
changed blogskin again lolx. changed blogskin again. 3rd time le. haha. was getting bored with the previous one.. anw, made quite a no. of changes to this new blogskin. haha. changed font colour from grey to purple. and the pink colour words were originally yellow-orange (yeekx) now the blog becomes more readable. haha.. @ 5:22 PM
3rd day of work it's raining.. as usual, i'm bound to be influenced by a song. and the song this time is "Yuan Liang Wo". i begin to see daniel lee's voice in another light. i din like his voice last time. but now come to think of it, mayb it's that unique voice that makes his songs special. his voice reminds me of the feeling of being torn apart. previously, i tot it was pretty hoarse and no 感动度。。 3rd day of work. first day of teaching. wow!!! it was totally wonderful!!! =) my first teaching experience at TMS. really really good. helped relief 3/8 for SS. ^_^ well, actually it's an easy job, cuz only 17 ppl in the class. so easier to control. haha. but the students really very nice. =) when they first entered the class, i tot they'd be too rowdy. but after that, when lessons starts, wow! it's totally cool la.. gave them work, adn they did quietly and seriously. did talk after they finish their work, but then again, i was once a student not long ago, hu wun wanna tok tok after finish doing work? and noise lvl not that great after all. anything, they'd ask for permission. =) then going thru work, they were really enthu siah. volunteered their answers. wee~ and they got almost everything correct! = really got do their work seriously.. just feel kinda touched seeing such a nice class. how i wish i can take them forever. LOL! after seeing this.. and hearing comments from other relief teachers about generally how well-disciplined TMSian are, i wonder y got words spreading around tat we're becoming more and more ill-disciplined? =( oh ya, and now their attire are really neat since the school's going down real harsh on them. so ya, to all ex-TMSian, dun worry, TMS is stil in a good shape =) hee =) i more or less got things to do until end of week 4. aka a month, then can CNY le. cool~ i was stil worrying that i wil hav no class/ nothing to do.. haha.. yay! gonna start on history soon. both teaching and preparing of materials. but heard syllabus changed. =( and to make things worse, my fav chap on china got changes. haven seen wad r they. hopefully got Chu-han confrontation?? Xiang Yu!!!!! (Fat hope. LOL! that's too ancient) oh ya, the teachers also nice nice de. both new faces and the staff from the past (aiyo.. lol. made it sound so long ago.. actually 2 yrs ago only.. lol!) i was very afraid they'd think i'm doing a bad job etc. or rather i'm afraid of doing a bad job. but so far, they've been helpful and encouraging. =) wee~ see! we care! and we still care! <3 even the other relief teachers also think that TMS environment very warm.. aiyo! i'm getting too hyper. feeling quite touched now for dunno wad reason.. and the song "Shi Yi" is playing now, which adds on to the atmosphere. TMS ROCKS!!! Thursday, January 03, 2008 @ 5:36 PM
2nd day of work for a moment i tot my blog was deleted. =X turned out to be "i'm just thinking too much".. anw.. second day of work today. everything more or less settled le. and i'm so glad it was drizzling in the morning. aka no flag raising. aka can just continue sitting in the staff room. hee. =) and i finally confirmed this.. i have no classes!! yay!! so what i do is to relief for teachers when they're on leave. =) i prefer it this way. haha. dun think i'm ready for a class yet. imagine for 6 months, and if i really can't teach, that class is so gonna die. =X so it's good i'm really just relief teachin.. haha.. can learn from the real teachers + try it out in a classroom situation + wun make a mess of things to such a extent that the students are totally lost. i just hope that i wun make a blunder of things.. today met up with the other geog relief teacher. haha. quite a nice person. =) and got 4 of us who lunched together today. wee~ no more lunch alone. hmmmx. but they're all arts students and more ang moh, so i dun really haf common topic.. sob sob.. but they look like really nice people, so hope to interact more with them.. hee =) hopefully they dun think i'm too much of a bore.. haha. since the things i do, watch, play are on the complete different channel from them. truthfully, i quite envy one relief teacher who's gonna relief for science.. she haven report for work yet, so dunno hu she is.. but science lei.. shiok siah.. it's the field of studies that i'm more comfortable with de.. haha.. actually the joy of returnig to TMS to teach wasn't as great as i tot.. of being back to the familiar environment, meeting up with my ex-teachers. i dunno.. i think i'm just thinking too much.. sometimes i really just wanna hav chats with my teachers, but at the same time, i'd keep thinking it's weird or i'd be disturbing them or they dun wanna tok to me etc.. and it becomes even more akward over simple things like hi and bye. how shld i put it across? just take it that i'm stil living in those times wher i'm stil their students. so can't be too casual, must tok with respect etc. tho i prefer a more friend friend kinda thing. yupz.. that's the idea.. and to make things worse, i can't engage long conversation on first day of school cuz no voice. which is the best day to actually catch up. today had spaghetti with chicken chop. but the serving size very small.. =X so i ended up being very hungry stil.. lol.. came back and eat one otak bread and french loaf. haix. voice wil suffer again. otak is spicy.. zzz.. and the sch com very irritating. refuse to read my thumbdrive. i brought 2 thumbdrives, all cannot. zzz. such inconvenience. sighx. =X tomolo i shall try with 2 more weird combi, aka my hp (bring data cable) and my mp3 player.. zzz.. guess i'd hav to prepare the terrorism thigny at home bahx, since i can't save anyhting in school. hee =) just hope that this delay wun cause much prob.. =X jyjy Wednesday, January 02, 2008 @ 6:13 PM
3 more things to say i have 3 more things to say. today my lunch got bug in my noodle!! yucks!! 4 bugs some more la. and i almost finish then see.. haix.. how unlucky.. 2nd thing. coffee prince isn't as nice as i tot it'd be. too conventional korean show. or mayb it's just a matter of expectations. mayb i expected too much from it. lolx. 3rd thing. i'm having a headache now from lack of sleep= time to sleep even earlier. and i want to add the 4th thing now. i'm very very hungry. i dunno y. i just downed one french loaf le. i'm stil looking for more food. potato chips, choc cookies, chocolates. all so enticing, but must control --> my throat will die even further if i eat those. must tahan a few more days until my throat got complete recovery. then i'd wait one more week for every single germs or whatever that's causing my voice to go away. and.. finally.. i'd.. start my eating junk food habit again. ^_^ @ 5:14 PM
first day of work first day of work.. pretty good.. haha.. it's back to the same old environment again.. but the thing is.. i stil dun hav voice. as in can tok la, but it's not me. so i try not to tok. in the end, i think i appear very dao. =( got quite a no of relief teachers. but most come under different plans. haha. at first i felt quite foreign, cuz got new ppl i nv see b4. then later got more and more familiar faces, so felt more at ease le.. haha.. had small talks with my ex-teachers.. oh ya, many things in school hav changed.. naming of classes is no longer "universal", but it's reverted back to the numerical system. haha. and it seems like got no more homeroom system. but that i'm not sure. mayb it's a good thing ba, after all, i dun really like these changes in the first place. but then again, after being used to it, things are changing again. just feels kinda weird. haha. today got no teaching. i dun think there'd be lesson for me for the rest of the week ba. since i haven heard any notice yet. GOOD. my voice can stil hav time to recover. =) oh ya, SS syllabus changed. but i think i prefer this new syllabus lei. more relevant. the book cover is purple. and paper quality is better. LOL! Got things like Iraq-Kuwait war, and terrorism etc. spent my morning searching for terrorism ads. lolx. then later part of the day, i was doing a SS SEQ. rmb how to do it. but the thing is, nothing comes out of my head. the structure is there in my head, but i've forgotten how to argue thigns out. so i spent more than 3 hrs on just 1 qn. til now haven finish. ROFL.. tomolo must finish siah.. one qn only, how can take so long?? =X got 3 day induction programme for us. so can go home only at 4. seems like normal days can go off at 1.40pm? dunno yet la. haha. i think wad i must try to do now is to ease up a bit, feel more in place, tok more ( when my voice recover ) and build up more confidence. haha. Tuesday, January 01, 2008 @ 5:28 PM
Happy new year 2008 HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!!! a new yr and it's really a new beginning. it's just a transition from secondary education to tertiary education. it's a transition from studying to working. i'm excited about tomolo. =) but at the same time, got fears and anxiety also. i guess i'm thinking too much le ba. i'm thinking about all the same little matters from the moment i'm waiting for the bus, to reaching the school, to walking towards the HOD room.. and thinking of all the negative thigns that can happen. i guess it's just time to snap out of the state of being overly self-conscious. haha. new year resolution? haha. i just hope that i can walk out of my shell soon, gain more confidence and be more poised to face the world. find the brave and confident side in me and let it grow. yet at the same time, be able to retain my original self. i dunno how i really am. but to me, being yourself is always the best. but first thing, i must find out what that "myself" is. =) Got some to-buy list. haha. new yr clothes. 5566 CD. shi xin hui CD. MDWAV 1 and 2. hair treatment spray. can't rmb others off hand. but sure got more than that. Jia You everyone! =) May this be a fruitful year =) |
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