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Saturday, February 27, 2010 @ 11:07 AM
赌场风云 I think im getting more random with each passing days. I actually find joy in troubleshooting when things go wrong - trying to find out what's wrong and attempting to fix it. :O And on a random note, I find myself laughing randomly now and then - for valid reasons though; not that im really going crazy. hahaha.. Anw i liked the ending of 赌场风云 even though the story was quite draggy. I think zhengchu's an interesting character. All along, he's been struggling within himself. It's really the small things in life that marginally change your fate and sometimes drive you to an inevitable self-destruction. I've never really seen him as evil throughout the show, despite the many wrongdoings he did; perhaps perhaps because the start of it all was triggered by his concern for Qingyun. It's easy to denounce that reason as a mere excuse; it's equally easy to feel compelled to do the things he did if i were in his shoes. I dunno how I will react if such things really happened; but as of what I can visualise now, if i had to save someone by winning a gamble and time is running out, I would cheat. Following which, I will feel indignant that i should be penalised for cheating under those circumstances and refuse to receive blame for it. Put that together with his spirit of 'saying no to defeat', it's not difficult to see why he will, in his words, 'hurt everyone for himself'. Anw, I think Qingyun is more suited to be with Chang-ge for a stable life but she'll definitely go on an emotion rollercoaster ride with Zhengchu instead. Somehow I feel that she still prefers Zhengchu. Thursday, February 25, 2010 @ 10:18 PM
Practise in communication I think i really need more practise in communication. Sending a rather simple email took me an hour, with the bulk of the time trying to double confirm the receipt's salutation and also how to sign off. lol and i think i still haven't grasp the skill of summarising everything in a concise manner without sounding cold/rude. Wednesday, February 24, 2010 @ 10:02 PM
Headache It's a headache staring at data spanning 25 columns x 36 rows, especially when they don't make sense and you are just randomly trying to come up with various permutations in the hope that a meaningful trend will somehow be generated. @ 12:50 AM
听见牛在哭 "在汲汲於追求幸福的人生，曾幾何時我們變得盲目又苛求，失去了最初的真我；一輩子做牛做馬為將來打拚，疲憊的旅途中，歷經一次又一次的錯愛與荒唐，而終究，我們都只是生命 的俘虜。 听见牛在哭了吗？或者应该说，听见自己发自内心的无声呐喊了吗？ Saturday, February 20, 2010 @ 10:36 AM
Some interesting programs Just saw that there's some Summer programme under the International Alliance of Research Universities (haha found this title quite cool so just had to include it.) I think the course offered by University of Tokyo is extremely attractive cos (1) it's in Japan ^^ (2) it has Nanoscience course consisting of biotechnology, nanotechnology and, biomedicine and nanobiotechnology modules. In short, everything that I like. lol. Then again, I won't be going anyway. On a random note, I've always wondered what's the difference between nanotech & biotech and nanobiotech. lol is it a 1+1=2 relationship? [Edited 10.55pm] On a random note, it's really bad to overeat/be overly-heaty. =X And I realise I have so many bulky stuff to purchase - a new desktop (quite nec depends on how long my current desktop lasts), a study desk (actually not nec), new tiny cupboard to display my textbooks (lol i've decided to retain all my core CN textbooks grrr sold CN1111 alr =X and display them neatly), a new pair of specs (i think my current one is gonna fall apart any moment - no more frameless!). Okies, so it means that if i do get intern/part time job this coming break, the $$ won't stay with me for long -.- Anw my dad just bought a new LCD 32" TV - hmm im not very impressed though; somehow not very used to LCD screens. And a ipod touch! lol but still thinking b/w getting a all-in-one hp or a normal hp with ipod touch combo. *aims at SE X10 mini (pro)* With this, my post has become truly very messy. As random as the owner :D Friday, February 19, 2010 @ 12:18 PM
Reverse Causation Hmm realised that 别在下雨天偷偷地哭泣 was sung by 张克帆。 That is, I liked the song even before I knew who sang it; and it turned out to be by a singer whom I've recently grown to like because of his 两个世界。 I quite like this feeling; of liking something for what it is, without being consciously/subconsciously influenced by other AOB factors. It's just like how the first show that I went crazy over was 倩女幽魂 (with 陈晓东one) and yes it's not MDWAV, despite MDWAV being 'older' (the craze started from 3rd series and backdated to the first 2 series); and in recent years, I found out that the scriptwriter was 陈十三, who was also the scriptwriter of MDWAV series. It was a nice surprise knowing this. :) On a random note, I believe that you have to "teach less to learn more" and that 解释就是掩饰; 欲盖弥彰。Don't try to cover up too deliberately; it only makes whatever you are trying to hide more obvious, ie. 此地无银三百两。 Wednesday, February 17, 2010 @ 6:21 PM
HQ's 21st Birthday Attended HQ's 21st birthday yesterday! It's @ Aloha Loyang. Quite a nice place, despite being rahter ulu. Well, it's the isolation and tranquility that gives it its beauty too actually. Food was good! Heh there was even cereal prawn. :D I think it's a nice feeling to have all your friends and family members gathered together. We do have group gatherings here and there, but hardly do everyone come together. Hmm and it feels good seeing how the AMZ ppl are there for each other. haha.  We got this for hq! hahaha. I liked the necklace alot~ And i just realised that I didn't take a photo of it. zzz.. =X
Happy 21st Birthday HQ! :D  As usual, a random shot of the day. On my way to the chalet :D Really liked this alot - currently my hp and com wallpaper lol. Totally random - I just realise there's someone called Reynold in our cohort. Hmm.. I wonder how he feels when his name is used for almost every single module. lol. Laminar? Turbulent? Okies this is really random and evil =X Tuesday, February 16, 2010 @ 8:38 AM
铁窗 不曾发现“铁窗”的妻美。
非常优美的对比。在现实与虚幻之间徘徊，内心无限的挣扎不断呈现。原以为后半段一直重复有点闷，用心听时发现那也是这首歌的重点。 有时，我们必须相信自己想相信的东西才能生活下去，有时又被虚幻的现实狠狠地打击。活在自己幻想的快乐能让人有种虚幻的幸福，但想到或知道现实是什么时，可能是双倍打击；你能对自己说谎，但也能经得起现实的失望吗？ Monday, February 15, 2010 @ 11:37 PM
CNY visits Did quite a bit of visiting for the past 2 days. 初一@ grandma's and 2 uncle's house. 初二 @ chen lao shi's, granny's and aunt's house. Chatted quite a bit with my cousin on day 1 and she gave some advises of how to think about the general direction of the future. :) Next stop was dinner at another uncle's house and it was like a Seoul Garden buffet. lol! my bbq pattern became standard after a while - tom yum chicken, scallop and cheese tofu. =P Tried some of their homemade CNY goodies too. Good, not too sweet and without overwhelming butter taste. :) Such a huge group of students turned up at CLS's house! In fact, we had a large group of around 10+ people on our side already. To add on to the numbers, I think there were about 15 ex-TMS china scholars who turned up too. That's excluding her #1 ex-student fan and individuals that turned up with their family (and babies/young kids!). I think she's a very successful teacher; after retirement, so many of us are still keeping in contact with her (though the definition of success is not limited to this criteria only). There are other teachers that I hope to meet too, but I dunno how to do so. Would it be too arupt and random? I wouldn't know how to start a topic, even though I feel that there's so much to be said. To me, they are also teachers that I admire and respect. It's been quite a while since i last went back TMS and I'm still waiting for an appropriate time. 30th anniversary? On a random note, some of CLS's ex-students turned out to be once my students too. lol. Okies I was quite surprised that they did recognise me cos I only took their classes randomly. Did I really forget all of them, as deciphered from my reaction? Actually no, I roughly knew who they were, but i didn't know how to proceed from there, so I just gave a stunned/empty look. Or rather, I should say the probability of them forgetting me is greater than that I would really forget about them. That being said, there was indeed a group of students that slipped my mind -and I believe they were sec 1 or 2 when i took them (and really, I can't communicate with young children at all). I guess I was too 'dao' during my RT stint and overly-conscious about whether I'm doing an okay job. I recall a NUS article I randomly came across about a shy lecturer. He said that he was nervous at first, but later on learnt that it's pointless to think about whether he's doing a bad job such that students don't understand; rather it's more important to feel confident about what he's talking about, get it across clearly and read signs from student to decide if he should elaborate/repeat to get his points across. Anw, it should have been a job that allowed me to bond with many others; too bad i was too distracted thinking about things that didn't matter to enjoy the process. On a random note.. Some things sound scary/shocking when you hear about it; however, to experience it for yourself, you realise that it ain't that bad after all. Sometimes, others' words and our minds' tend to exaggerate what things might actually be - 原来是自己天马行空的思想作祟罢了。 I realise that when some things are done, they become an irreversible part of your life. Maybe it might haunt you; maybe it might become a stumbling block to future progress as you are reminded of the past. Maybe you hope that things could have been done differently; maybe it will just be a self-fulfiling prophecy of who you will turn out to be. Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to truly accept the past and be at peace with yourself. @ 8:22 AM
Handshakes The type of handshakes you give/receive really matters. I never really acknowledged this fact till now.  @ 8:19 AM
SE X10 Mini I wonder if MWC 2010 has started/ended. Anw, official announcement of SE X10 Mini (and Mini pro)!  So tempted to make it my next phone. (The Pearl White one!) Since X10 is gonna be released in March, prob this phone's gonna be next in line :D but the next time i can change my phone is er, in Nov? hahaha shall just KIV a few phones now. On a side note, SE Vivaz has a sibling SE Vivaz Pro now! Seems like Pro = qwerty keypad? :O Sunday, February 14, 2010 @ 10:22 AM
Happy CNY of the Tiger Year Happy CNY! I think CNY's losing its 'feel'. 是它变了吗，还是是我变了？ Saturday, February 13, 2010 @ 4:00 PM
End of first 'half' So the first half of the semester is over already. That was fast! Okies so looking back, I spent.. Week 1 fretting over whether to drop a module, which to drop and how to drop. Lesson learnt is that, don't be greedy and opt for so many modules during MEP, and don't assume I will not get any of my preferred module. And more importantly, to make a decision swiftly and quit thinking so much. There's no direct positive correlation between amount of thoughts and correctness of decision made, so to speak. Hmm.. Week 2 thinking back about the previous semester and making comparison against current semester; in short, resisting changes. Lesson learnt is that it's sometimes pointless to compare and contrast, even though inevitably we do it. There's always merits and flaws in almost everything and actually when we compare, what we are essentially doing is to match the best of every other thing with the worst of what we are currently experiencing. Week 3 everything's settled and I've adapted to the new semester. And thereafter Week 4 and 5 saw me enjoying whatever I'm doing now and refinding the joy I had previously. :) And yes, recently I've developed a warped sense of what's 'fun' and 'interesting' hahaha. Lesson learnt, it's all about the timing, it's pointless to ponder over whether something's right, because the nature of the 'rightness' changes with time anyway; just enjoy the moment of what you think is best. Today's too short to think about tomorrow; and I don't literally mean stop planning for the future. Oh yes, and I'm CCA-less after all. And yes, I've grown lazy searching for CCA again; anyway it's too late now so try again next sem! excuses excuses. hahaha.. Oh and dunno why i just simply like seeing this diagram. hahahha. too bad I don't have a tablet so gotta make do with drawing using Paint. the best part of the diagram is to see it in this colour and drawn freehand! I simply had to draw this on my assignment whenever I see CSTR even though it's not required! !_!
On a even more random note, I think Pasta Mania's Seafood Zuppa is worth a try! Nice! portion wasn't very satisfying though despite the deceiving huge serving bowl. Almost finished all the soup :D Labels: Reflection Wednesday, February 10, 2010 @ 7:09 PM
The Game of Life Life's a game of deceit and pretense. with no negative connotation attached. It's about who cheats best in the game of survivor, how to pretend to keep things going, or to assume a pseudo-identity by hiding other charateristics. Could be for the better too. Sometimes we don't need the truth to overwhelm, rather a subtle act of pretense is all that's needed to perhaps avoid awkward situations. Lies hurts of cos, but those told with the unspoken acknowledgement that "we all know that's not the truth" might be a better alternative to facing the reality, so to speak. We don't need happiness nor a sense of reality built upon lies and deceit; yet neither do we need endless sufferings from a totally truthful world. It's back to the delicate balance, and the golden question is once again, how? All that being said, I think a take-home lesson I had is that I should learn to be less accountable to others, which doesn't literally translate to being less responsible. What it means is that I should learn to be less of a stick-in-the-mud, learn to read situations more flexibly and react more appropriately. Sometimes, the more I try to think from others' point of view, the worse things get. There really simply isn't any point in trying to be accountable for everything; especially if I'm thinking too much and doing too little about it. It's just an endless trap of thoughts, which doesn't help me nor the others involved. There are so many unspoken "laws of life", which I have chose to reject until now. Yet as I look deeper, they really ain't as bad as I thought. Monday, February 08, 2010 @ 8:44 PM
Capability in the absence of weaknesses I notice that sometimes, how capable one is might not literally be measured in terms of one's ability, but rather, how well one hides one's weaknesses. Labels: thoughts Sunday, February 07, 2010 @ 10:49 PM
Back from CNY shopping back from impromptu and rather last minute CNY shopping. and i finally got myself a canvas shoe. lol after finishing 2 labs already that is. oh wells, there's still 4 more to go; many more to come in future 2 lab modules and 8-turned-90-degree visits to labs for FYP. so.. still a worthy investment and I can finally stop wearing my old and tattered sports shoe to school. lol! bought a pair of pumps, which actually wasn't part of my plan (long story) and 2 tops. Hmm they're rather dull though; hope that others are okay with it. but most importantly, since im ok with it, i guess the rest shouldn't matter. tt's actually what i learnt today from my shopping trip - to voice out my opinion as it is before it's too late, otherwise more has to be done to revert back to how things would have been had I not kept silent initially. It's like taking addition steps to reach the same end point. which randomly reminds me of what one of my lecturer said.. In dancing, you take 3 steps forward, and 2 steps backwards. to me, it's equivalent to taking 1 step forward, that's all. lol. And a random thought that i have now is that, I can dance too even when im on my chair typing this out; cos there is the possibility of numerous permutations of dance steps that I potentially could have executed with the start and end point being my seat :D okies, random - as usual. Labels: Random Friday, February 05, 2010 @ 9:04 PM
NUS career fair Went for NUS career fair after all! i actually printed 3 copies of my CV so that i'll be committed to going. lol. in the end, i deposited zero with the companies. -.- anyway today was an interesting experience since i was eating alone and i thought i will be going for the career fair by myself too (fortunately some of my other frens were interested in going too but have yet to go) Interesting in the sense that doing things alone wasn't that scary as I thought. I've already gotten used to going for random arts module alone and I'm glad that i wasn't as resistant to the idea of doing other stuff by myself after all! Happiest moment of the fair To know that IBN do take in interns! Their representative was super helpful and friendly too! I know that as an applicant, it's my duty to give them a good impression; but I really feel that the impression the companies give is important too. Actually initially going to the fair was something optional since A*Star wasn't on the listed company. And then yesterday I saw Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology (the branch of A*star that I'm interested in getting intern for this time round) hidden somewhere on the list, which greatly motivated me to get going! Embarrassing moment of the fair My fren was trying to figure out the gift that MAS handed out to us. Finally it was revealed that it's a torchlight and I laughed so loudly that I was quite sure the reps from dunno what company turned to look at me. I was using my peripheral vision though so I ain't sure too. And I sure ain't intending to turn my head 90 degree just to check it out. Oh wells! Move on like nothing happened - don't try to act not-suspicious. hahaha i actually applied the lesson learnt from yesterday! Shocking moment of the fair was trying to acquire about teaching. (actually we were trying to get a plastic bag to contain all the phamplet). Me: "I'm actually a chemical engineering student and I wonder if i were to go into teaching, what are some areas that I can venture into?" Ans: "Primary school. Actually for secondary school level, we're looking at specialised degree. Like pure chemistry." Me: "Oh.." So.. Chemical engineers learn chem, maths, physics and bio but are only qualified to teach at primary school level cos we're not specialised enough. Random moment of the fair was looking at the booth for tobacco company, which was quite shocking to me actually. nonetheless, i tried finding out more (just curious..) Me: "So.. what does the company do?" Ans:"oh we manufacture tobacco, you know those things that goes into cigarettes. in fact, we do have a branch in singapore." Me: "You do?!" (sounding very shocked) before this we were standing in front of a table with a laptop which writes "Vietnam Students (This table)" and were trying very hard to decipher what it meant. People there, "Oh it means this table is meant for vietnam students only". hahaha i think we were thinking too much -.- Awkward moment of the fair For dunno what reason I actually went to visit the DSO/DSTA booth. I still feel a slight sense of attachment to the organisation, despite not being part of it after all. Din really know how to start a topic.. Me: "So.. I'm interested to find out more about what DSO is about." Ans: "Ok. Hmm you mean you have completely no idea what it's about?" Me: (Thinks of the amount of research I did while preparing for the interview previously) "Well, not really. I do have some idea about the organisation." Ans: "Or maybe you want to do a brief introduction of yourself?" Me: (Stunned cos wasn't ready for such impromptu "interview") (In an attempt to change topic) "oh actually I was just wondering if DSO do take in chemical engineering students as interns?" Ans: "Oh not really. You see out of 7 branches, chemical engineering is limited to just one branch and it's not a direct link either." Me: (feeling slightly relieved that the interview was "cancelled") "Oh.. I see" (Actually i already knew chem eng isn't a relevant field in DSO/DSTA. Somehow i just felt a need to visit their booth though) Okies that shld pretty much sum up my experience today. Oh another funny thing happened at the Cisco booth. It was almost 5 and in an attempt to clear their big plastic bag. Rep: "Would you like to have the bags to contain all your stuff?" (in softer tone) "actually we're trying to clear our stocks" LOL!! Ok I like such honesty. Whatever she was doing was benefitting us, but it did came with some "ulterior motives" but she was honest in admitting it too! Anw on my way home, I was still thinking about my decision to reject DSTA. Back then I tried hard to convince myself on many things, but when i look back now.. I don't want to be bonded. It isn't really a bad thing after all. I'm not the scholar-type of person; it isn't me. Just an excuse to run away. So actually, that decision was a wrong one based on escapism and excuses. The official reason that I provided was that I decided to change my course from chemistry to chemical engineering, yet back then it was the reason that I was most unconvinced by. The irony is that, this unlikely reason that I didn't really believe in, turned out to be the single and most important reason that made my wrong decision a right one after all. I enjoy doing chem eng and I guess it's worth it giving up the DSTA scholarship to pursue my interest. It was a huge risk I took back then and I'm glad everything turned out right. :D Having said that, sometimes I can't help but to wonder if I made a different decision back then, how would things have turned out to be? On a random note, I feel that I haven't gotten a sense of how society really works. All along I thought that I'll get by with a normal job, leading a normal life. Underlying that is an assumption that I will definitely be able to get that "normal life" by sitting and thinking about it. Yet often, where I am or will get to isn't just dependent on what I want; it's not that simple nor easy. I guess I'm too used to the sheltered life i've been leading till now - havin teachers encouraging/forcing me to do things, eg. applying for scholarship, going for talks, courses and competitions, etc (I still recall some of them feeling exasperated "I dunno what's wrong but everyone's fighting for these things and you ah must make us force you to apply then u will make a move), having others giving me job opportunties (such that for the past few holidays when i actually have to search for a job myself, I'm totally clueless. another worrying point is, I've never been for job interviews before. Thus far, i've just somehow gotten a job.) 感激他们给我的支持，现在真的看见他们的用心良苦；却又厌倦自己的无动于衷，是时候积极争取了。 In uni, I'm increasingly exposed to how things actually do work. So far though, we still have the profs as a safety net for us - if we need their help, actually they are very willing to do so despite their busy schedule. The difference comes about when we look at areas outside the safety zone of our own university. Okies, anw I'm grateful that some of them are gradually incorporating elements of real life into the respective modules, ie. group work without choice of members, presentations, lack of spoonfeeding etc, since even though it's always nice to imagine having a smooth and easy life in uni, the truth is gonna be shocking afterwards - "to see the reality of life bit by bit..." I know I've resisted all these slightly at some point or another, but as I look back, I felt that I've really learnt something new along the way. At least it's a gradual shift, versus just being thrown projects or presentations one after another. Currently, I've identified a specific field that I'm interested in. Making plans to try it out in order to see if what I think it is is indeed what it is. I'm sure I want to see it through this time. At least I'm gonna press on till the point I realise it's not what I like after actually trying it out; rather than just give up by thinking maybe it's not the path for me. Thursday, February 04, 2010 @ 8:57 PM
sick what an embarrassing day. it's really bad to be trapped within endless cycles of thoughts, especially if they didn't really matter. i guess the most efficient way to get things done, is just to get things done. overthinking simply worsens the situation and the fear of consequences become a self-fulfiling prophecy. woke up with a sore/dry throat and headache this morning. didn't go away and is still persisting now. not really terribly sick, but of a sufficient level to irritate me. the hot weather didn't make things better. im suspecting it's due to heatiness from eating prawn rolls. din really eat alot though, but i get heaty really easily. anw learnt today that trying not to be suspicious is a suspicious act in itself. lol! Tuesday, February 02, 2010 @ 9:58 PM
Confident about confidence? hmm been thinking about this for the past few days. seems like i always give the wrong reactions at the wrong time. just take the issue of confidence. i can get super confident for no reason at the most random occasion, such that i'll get very defensive even in casual conversations with my friends. yet when there's a real need for me to behave confidently, i cease to portray traces of it and start doubting what i thought i knew. be it for work, or when attempting to explain stuff to others, I just become more unsure of myself with every statement i make. eg. explaining school work, rather than trying to clarify others doubt, i just end up doubting what i said. sometimes when i try to explain things in nitty, gritty details showing others my entire thought process, i will stop to ponder, will they be offended that i'm talking in such elementary terms and trying to get them to see things that they already knew? yet other times, i acknowledge that others should already know some stuff and proceed with short and swift utterance, but often i think it gives others the impression that i'm unwilling to say more to help. sometimes it seems as though i have no patience in answering questions; yet the truth is, I think that others are losing their patience trying to listen to me. had viva today, which was actually what i wished for. i was rather confident of my theory in that particular topic and it's fortunate that we got back the same prof (since he wil throw a general qn, of which it was internally decided within the group that i will tackle the theory portion). i didn't blank out as i spoke, yet my hands were shaking. i wasn't really that nervous cos it wasn't anything really formal. talked hastily too, which was quite different from the slow and steadiness i had in mind. knew what to say + not feeling very nervous; yet i just appeared totally nervy. often, i think i appear very kan chiong and high strung about everything. but honestly, within myself, there's just numerous thoughts being processed at any one time and i'm feeling quite peaceful and calm from within. i just dunno why when these thoughts get expressed, i appear worried/nervous/anxious. i suppose this can traced back to the issue of confidence once again. of cos saying all these doesn't help in anything. i know i always think too much and trap myself in those endless cycles of thoughts. im not trying to get others to see how i perceive things. i just feel that it's time for me to be more confident when i'm with people. it's always easy to deduce eg. answer to mystery/detective stories, profile characters in show, profile real-life people (those i see, observe or know first-hand), if all these are done in isolation (ie. in my head); yet the moment i have to interact with them, my ability to make judgement on their thoughts and behaviour diminishes rapidly. I guess it's a learning process; the greater the amount of interactions I have, the more used i'll get around people, the less unconfident I'll be. Monday, February 01, 2010 @ 9:54 PM
冷面笑匠，服了! had one of the "truly amusing moment" today. laughed until my face turned red and started tearing. the thing is that, whatever that was said wasn't all that funny in itself. but somehow the combination of factors, eg. prior impressions, mood of the day, previous statements mentioned earlier and slight expectation/anticipation of what's next etc, led to such extreme reaction. 冷面笑匠，服了！ Fortunately, everyone else were laughing too just that it wasn't as vigorous as what I was experiencing. Thus the degree of malu-ness wasn't that great. LOL! |
CNY eve today~ which means CNY is coming soon. And er so is christmas? o.o (old joke, i wonder who rmbs it) Brand new lunar year, brand new start of a brand new me. All along i've been thinking about rediscovering myself; now's the time to start doing something about it! On a random note, I ended the last lesson of the halfway mark on a positive note - did a presentation the way i expected it to be despite having a sore throat! :D