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Thursday, August 31, 2006 @ 9:34 PM
Sick I'm feeling rather sick now.. Throat infection is back.. accompanied by flu.. But i wil hang on.. I will hold on to what i believe in.. I will not give in.. I will not be defeated.. Hanging on to prepare the surprise.. hanging on to go back to TMS.. hanging on for the 4S class gathering.. Believe and it can be; don't believe and it can't be.. This is the best moment of this year.. TMS.. 4S.. It's all comimg back.. i have waited long enough.. Preparing chicken wings tomolo.. hopefully, it'd turn out fine.. Pls pls.. no rain.. no rain.. @ 9:30 PM
ultimate After days of rushing.. and nite staying up.. the "ultimate"suprise was completed.. Really finally.. and it reaped rather positive response.. And i'm glad.. That the meaning of it went beyond what was seen.. I'm really disillusioned by what the univerese holds for us.. Forsaking waht we do not see for what we see.. The practicality of it all.. Gaining of everything; losing of all that really ultimately means to us.. For once, in a very long time to come.. I finally see the light of life being rekindled.. The coldness of it all was re-ablazed.. I really believe in the power of feelings.. Believe and it can be, don't believe and it can't be.. @ 8:54 PM
Happy Teachers Day 2006 TMS Then.. we went back to TMS to visit the teachers.. Ah.. It was like a release for me.. All the suppressions for weeks.. Finally, i could rush back and into the school premise.. TMS... in fact, i really had the impulse to just break free of everything and just run towards TMS.. [Currently listening to tian tian ye ye.. How do i live without you? ] The moment we stepped into the school.. Marilyn came forward to recruit us into the TMS Alumni.. yes. and i signed up.. my wishes for so long.. though i'm not eligible, but at least my record is there that i wanna join the Alumni.. I really admire her love for TMS.. going the extra mile.. Really just standing there and gathering support for TMS.. She plays such a proactive role.. How many of us can love TMS the way she does? Emailing, sms-ing and personally contacting us for that support for TMS.. Anw, later on, we went up the hall where a concert was taking place.. The first teacher we saw was Ms Woon.. She was leaving the hall in a hurry.. [Hen xiang shuo...] And then Ms Rajah.. chatted for a while with her.. asked about our sub combi and current life.. but.. so many things were left unsaid, so many things left undone.. Why do things happen the way they do.. You can anticipate it your whole life, only to lose all courage and guts at the last minute.. only to reduce yourself into nothingness and withdraw into a state of silence? Next, we saw Ms Neo.. Wearing white.. so whitified.. which is so unlike her.. Feeling the gap widening.. The drifting apart.. The distance.. Then we saw Ms Woon again.. This time we chatted with her.. And she commented about my hair --> which all teachers ( almost all ) noticed.. Asked about our lives.. But i kept silent all these while.. Except for the hair issue.. suddenly, infinity was reduced and shrunk into virtually emptiness.. Loneliness overwhelming amidst the seemingly huge crowd.. The contradiction.. the paradox.. Then we saw Ms Lela.. She cut her hair! Not very used to it, but it kinda suited her.. she was very happy.. to see us.. chatted a long while with us.. Invited her to BBQ.. Something's lacking.. Nothing's concrete.. Nothing's real.. only those tears.. And next came Mrs hong.. She was in a rush.. But she rmb to comment that there's this sec 1 girl who looked exactly like me.. ANd she even asked her if she were my sister.. I saw those fleeting images.. Moving away from me.. Something's gone.. Going away from me.. I dunno what.. and Mr Eng came out soon after.. And i grew to realise that he's really a good teacher.. Maybe not directly.. but you have to look beyond.. Man of steel on the outside.. But inside lies a simple heart.. He doesn't look upwards, he just want to teach, that's it.. can't really put it into words.. but yupz.. It's not that he doesn't care, it';s just that his care comes in another form, not the conventional form that we can comprehend.. and i wonder how he got news of how i'm doing in JC.. Oh, he got all my info correct.. except for this major thing.. which applied to all of us.. He tot we were from TPJC.. lolx.. Actually it's TJC.. i reach beyond, and i grab nothing.. Not even air, not even nothingness.. It's just a state of emptiness.. i grew horrified over this.. Finally we met Mrs Tan.. She was really pleased to see us.. talked for a real long while. but somehow, there was a lack of topic.. But i could really sense her happiness when she saw us.. ANd she left me with this sentence.. Don't be cheated by others.. It doesn't matter if you cheat others, just don't get cheated by others.. In all, she has reminded me this twice.. I dunno why.. But i will remember this at heart.. somewhere down the road, i know this is applicable.. As i looked around.. the bonds are breaking.. One repeling; one approaching.. as new ties form, the old has been lost, never to return.. I shiver at this phenomenon.. and i know that i will never allow this to happen to me.. Then we stayed back to do the envelope for the ultimate surprise me and sj had for ms rajah.. The one that we stayed up late at night to complete.. The compilations of all our memories we shared.. Went into the staffroom.. watched the slides together.. she was really pleased with the ppt.. We really tried our best.. but still, time was too short. adn we could only do a really draft kinda work.. But i know those smiles were real.. And from the heart, it was deeply touched.. Memories might be lost, but the feelings remains.. It was this common ties that kept us together, heart to heart.. At least it is true for me.. Things do not turn out the way i want it to be.. But the way i expected it to be.. And my most feared has came true.. My hidden fear.. my deepmost fear.. I recall that moment.. after i caught a glimpse of the first teacher we saw, we sat at the bench.. I had a bad feeling.. I anticipated something.. As i laid my head on the table, i saw blanks.. I saw emptiness.. And that's the worst feeling.. I really cherished those moment.. I really enjoyed my TMS days.. I really did.. I really do.. And i will remain in this state.. it's not replaceable.. There's nothing of its equivalence... Even if you give me the whole world, i still have nothing to my name.. I saw things coming my way.. But the worst of it all is the fact that i caused one of the events. i was the one who caused it all.. it was just me myself.. Rotten feeling.. I saw it coming.. I saw it happening.. ANd i saw it leaving me.. I saw the past, present and future going past me, yet powerless to stop what i'm seeing.. expectations.. are actually nothing but mere pains.. I really want to return to the past at the current moment.. I know nothing has been lost.. Please please.. I will continue to hold on to this belief.. Believe and it can be; don't believe and it can't be.. Smiles gone.. distance came along.. happiness has left... Complete devastated in a state of nothingness... @ 8:48 PM
Happy Teachers' Day Hee.. gonna keep this entry short.. cause the best is coming up next.. Well.. Anw, today is Teacher's Day Eve~! yay! which means can go back to TMS!! had 2 periods of lecture.. sigh.. which i spent asleep.. ok, partial asleep.. luckily in some sense, the maths lecturer was quite irritated with us, and just asked us to copy down the ans.. So = can replenish sleep.. Blessing in disguise? Then came the concert. Hmmm.. if i must recall wad happened? I'd say.. Seriously.. i can't rmb what went on during the concert already.. In fact, there was like no celebration atmosphere.. Maybe the hall was too big.. the population was too great? i dunno.. Then we skipped ACES.. which is affectionately known as all children exercise simultaneously.. And it was told to us by our bio teacher, whom we tot was joking.. turned out, that's really the abb.. Lolx.. Interesting isn't it? ANw, we crashed the teachers' reception, but din "kope" the food.. =X ( wad a shame.. wad a pity.. =P ) Went to give gifts and all.. Hee.. Actually at that moment, i sort of regretted not giving any TJ teachers presents.. Except for the one as a class de.. Because after all, they did somehow put in some effort in nurturing us.. eh, academically-wise.. But nvm, i won't know wad to give them, and i have eh.. Nothing much to write too? Lol.. To TJ teachers: Happy Teachers' Day! @ 8:44 PM
the fear. the silence It's really strange how things work at times.. Out of sight, out of mind... Or coud it be that the suppression was so strong, that the initial state of mind was lost? The truth i fear the most.. The silence that scares me so.. Wednesday, August 30, 2006 @ 11:00 PM
The day Such irony of life.. Tomolo is the big excitement.. An opportunity to return to TMS.. perhaps the last official occasion that i can return.. Yet.. Yet.. I dun wish for the day to arrive.. DOn't ask me why.. Prior to this days, i've wished and hoped for it to come.. but when it's finally about to arrive, i fear.. I fear.. Fear the unknowns.. Fear that the moment would come and pass.. Fear that all would be lost from the moment i step out of the school.. If i had a choice, i really would like to stay in school till i'm chased out.. But yet.. I dun dare to do so alone.. Yet.. I can't find others to do the same thing as me.. Wouldn't it be so ideal.. Just spend one entire day.. Laying in the centre of the school.. Looking at the sky.. Looking at the familiar and homely surroundings.. Reminscing the past memories.. Soaking up the TMS atmosphere.. In silence.. As feelings rush all over you like nobody's business.. And i'm contradicting myself.. I dun dare and dun wish to be left alone to just be there.. Yet.. i want silence and the peace of mind.. To be in my own world.. Sometimes in life, it's about doing what you want to do.. Without considering too many other factors.. Because there are just too many factors that we have to be concerned about.. Too many restrictions of the mind, of the soul.. Life lived within the barriers of such constrictions is a life not lived.. Everything is meaningless; everything is just a fake.. Unless you really do what you want to do, from the bottom of your heart.. Pls don't ask me what's so good about TMS.. I can bring it across in words.. But all those that i say ain't really exactly that "thing" that made it really that special. It's just a feel that i can't exactly put in down into words.. I dunno.. It's arriving soon.. BUt soon it'd end.. SIgh.. hopefully i can rush out the surprise by tonight.. At least, i wouldn't accumulate another regret in my life... Anticipating the feeling of getting it; resisting the fact of being in it; fearing the moment after it.. Past, present and future interwined as one; indifferentiatable; pressing on me.. I'm so scared.. i'm really very scared.. Everythign is but mere fakeness; only the tears are real.. @ 8:47 PM
drained.. Feeling so drained.. Rushing proposals after proposals.. Alas, finally i have the whole of today to prepare the surprise.. but would the time be sufficient? AFter all, it has to be, by right, completed by tomolo.. For TMS, i'll push all the way, and go the extra mile.. Believe and it can be, don't believe and it can't be.. Persevere is the word i believe in, it is for a cause that i sincerely from the bottom of my heart, wish to accomplish.. Tuesday, August 29, 2006 @ 9:54 PM
Teachers day preparation Returned home like 7++.. Missed my entire show.. hee hee.. In fact, when i came out from bathroom, i heard the ending song.. lolx.. Been working on the Teacher's Day Surprise! sigh.. but i doubt i can finish it.. cutting of 2 songs and piecing them together ( splicing? anw.. ) has taken me like 50min? Lolx. and trying to coordinate everything too.. Haix.. But memories really striked me a lot.. Listening to some sentimental english songs.. ( quite a miracle that i'm listening to el songs.. but ya.. ) So many things left undone; so many things left unsaid.. Mission impossible.. But everything is worth it.. It's all worth it.. Monday, August 28, 2006 @ 7:04 PM
Sad.. As i listened to Tian Tian Ye Ye.. And looked at the Teachers day surprise.. Suddenly.. i really feel lost in the universe.. sadness and pains of separation just overwhelmed me.. So how do i live.. Without you? Sunday, August 27, 2006 @ 6:02 PM
today's upadte Just woke up.. Eh.. not from last nite.. haha.. it's from 2++.. Now feeling so refreshed.. =) BUt.. this means at nite cannot sleep.. Oh no! Thundercop is getting nicer le.. climax coming le.. And today so much of Ah Zheng siah. with e zhang xin xin and the small kid.. ( which i kinda forgot his name le.. ) ANd Ah Zheng keeps wearing the KTY sunglasses lorx.. ^_^ which totally reminds me of KTY.. plus his character now.. And he was so cute when he explained why he needed to wear sunglasses even at nite.. "i knew you'd ask me this sooner of later.. You see, i look kind by nature. so by putting on sunglasses, i will look cool, then the baddies will be scared of me ma.." Had pasta today.. Hmmm.. quite nice.. home made one.. hee.. Oh no.. supp to make some preparation for the teachers day stuff.. ended up sleeping.. =X brr.. =( @ 12:48 AM
My Day's report Brr.. tried to post and everything gone.. haha.. Anw, i was saying. Today is so fun.. now it no longer sounds fun anymore.. -_-" Had LEO home visit in the morning.. still felt a bit out of place. Then we went to have lunch together.. Shopped at pasa malam for a while, then eve, my and mic left.. So me adn SJ went to shop for teachers day gift. TMS teachers.. Yay! But in the end, after combing all possible places, including NTUC, still cannot find a suitable gift.. went thru pasa malam like 2-3 times.. haha.. though actually looking at own stuff, eg. bags.. hee.. finally, we sat down adn discussed the ultimate plan! yay! took liek 1 hr to plan la.. it's like PW the second.. oh wells.. haha.. *keeping the suspense* went home at 7 on the dot.. the new show was ok.. the climax was when Jiang Hua first appeared.. hee.. ^_^ the main male lead is kinda overly perfect, so much so that i resist that "feel" sometimes.. Anw, my original post was short enuff.. casue i was doing PW until like 12.30.. and i feel so dizzy.. but at least i made the changes to the WR ( finally ) after getting back the first draft so long ago. and my curren tpost has shrunk even more.. and i sound so rush, cause i'm also looking at MDWAV stuff at the same time.. haha.. Anw, think going to sleep soon le.. been a tiring day too, on top of being fun.. Friday, August 25, 2006 @ 7:05 PM
dustbin project DUSTBIN IS OVER ~~~ well, at least temporarily, as i wish to believe.. Presented about our current progress in this project.. Nothing special.. But the thing was that the guy that came to assess us.. He really changed my outlook of my life and made me re-think how i should walk down the next part of my life journey.. He asked critical question. Sized us up, and all. Questions we'd never ever consider. But he's friendly la though.. It's just that i kinda admire how his mind works. how he's about to generate all these thoughts. It's like, i'd have never considered these points at all.. if i were him, i'd just watch the presentation and say, a job well done.. As the IP students presented, i was watching their Q&A session.. and i really re-thought about my life.. I'm just like the IP students, thinking narrow-mindedly.. We're here to do this, and thus this is how we're gonna do it.. But the assessor just target things from all around the place, he just weaves his thoughts in and out, not in a fixed format. it really free-flow.. and i was really amazed at that point of time.. Though i can't really explain this feeling now.. A good way to compare us. Put us in a unknown place. Put him in the same place. Chances are, we'd cry to come back to our current world. He'd probably flourish and survive.. Street smart in some sense.. I'd actually like to be able to think in such a manner.. But in some sense, schooling has narrowed our minds considerably, killing off the creativitiy in us. Or perhaps, in some sense, it isn't exactly schooling, it's just us.. We choose to let it destroy that bit of wittiness.. ANd suddenly the future pathway i have tot for myself just blurred.. Suddenly i feel that business life is really challenging, risking, but yet stimulates endless critical thinking in an ever-changing senario.. That's the life that'd be fun and worth remembering. You take risks, you fall or win it all, but you will pick yourself up and just push on against any other things.. Science is just kinda restricting.. i mean, yes, it's boundless.. It emcompasses from nothingness ( nanotech ) to eternity ( space ).. But there's just too many laws and rules.. I mean, it's just like step 1, step 2, step 3.. I dunno.. can i say, it's sort of too defined? i really dunno now.. actually i dun mind doing computer programming, software or games programmer.. I wish to find out more about psychology and philosophy.. I want to think but yet, i dun want senseless thinking. NOt those step 1 step 2 thing. I want those thinking that comes from the heart, where you are really thinking as yourself.. Not because of some rules that others set for you.. self-denial is the worst state of mind to be in -- you ain't even youself. but nothing is real; and thus reality is nothing.. Paradoxes of life.. @ 7:01 PM
GP compre today did GP compre passage.. actually i liked the passage. In the sense that i like the content, though i din enjoy doing it.. They simply fit into my ideology.. Though it's not sceptical enough.. And there's one phrase that really caught me, humans fear the unexpected.. It's what i have been lamenting about alot in the past.. And they talked about scepticism of science and technology.. From the passge, it has actually merged my idea together as one with regards to this issue.. But it's still not sceptical enough, it still sounded a bit hopeful.. But for me, i really feel that humans have destroyed themselves with their own doings.. Oh ya.. i din complete the paper.. haha.. but nvm la.. doesn't really matter.. wad matters most is that i saw a passage that speaks negatively about humans. oops. @ 6:51 PM
I not CS Today went on a mini shopping spree with sj and later xyn.. =) After LEO, we were walking home.. Then we saw that the clearance sale has been set up ( though it's like just 7 hours from when we last saw it ).. So we went to have a look lorx. All the assorted stuff that din really appeal to me.. haha.. And it's not really that cheap la, considering the quality of the good.. Though i was rather attracted to the pokemon cards. So cheap la. One deck only $3.80.. Normal deck like $100+ for those good ones.. THough i got mine for free.. ( oopss.. ) but 10 cards costs liek $4.50 - $5.50 lidat lorx.. and i bought that pack twice before and got rotten cards. Even the rare card is liek useless ( both the pack got same rare cards.. argh! but i managed to con one person last time.. hee.. ) And i was just saying "what if we meet our classmates ah? ( including anyone else we know lorx.. )" THen the next moment, we met my classmate!! And once we said bye, there comes my LEO senior.. haha.. but i re-emphasis, it was out of curiosty that i went there, and i din buy A SINGLE THING.. haha.. Anw, if i did buy anything, it's due to ES and not... ... Then i was so thirsty, i wanted to get a drink. So.. Ther was 711 and Giant.. ES and Common sense tell us to go to GIant ma.. More choice and cheaper and possibly got healthier drinks lorx.. So i looked around, and bought apple tea. Got a sugarless green tea for my parents too.. Then xyn and SJ went to buy starfruits.,. WHen i went back, Sj told me, "not that i am ** la, but the watermeleon really 50cents only la" So i went to have a look and we started to select the watermeleons.. but the worst thing is that.. i was caught by my classmate, again!! and it's the same one la.. hiyo.. haha.. ANd i was right below the sign that says 50cents.. haha.. But this time i got buy la.. I treated it as like gambling lorx.. to see how good my luck is.. Like ppl buy 4D, i buy watermeleon lorx.. since toto and watermeleon same cost.. lolx.. But my luck turned out to be not bad siah. Come back and cut(ed) the watermeleon. lots of meat and it's not not sweet, nor was it not sweet.. -_-" haha.. anw, worth buying la.. then i suddenly realised can actually make into juice, v. worthwhile lorx.. But nvm.. The world is really small.. Expect the unexpected but don't expect the expected.. @ 6:49 PM
Saddistic Haha.. i think ( see, i learn ok.. ) i heard that our maths tutor very saddistic today.. haha.. Came back with test results.. Then she was pleased to announce that nobody got near full marks this time.. lolx!!! That's kinda funny.. Happy when students fare relatively badly.. haha.. but anw, no la, she not saddistic la.. i know she said those in a joking tone ( though i weren't there, but she's a nice person ). And i'm jokingly commenting too.. wahhaa.. Though i can sort of understand why she is so happy.. lolx. @ 6:40 PM
Bathed twice Lolx. I think i bathed twice just now.. After washing off the soap, i tot i haven bathed yet.. so i soaped myself again.. Then suddenly i rmbered i actually finished bathing le.. haha.. Short term memory~ Thursday, August 24, 2006 @ 7:41 PM
Sci Co Woes Haiz.. This few days or past few weeks, been very busy.. With SIW, sci Co admin stuff.. Dustbin project.. It will all soon be over though... Just persevere.. @ 7:40 PM
4S gathering Yay! Got 4S gathering on 1st Sept.. =) the feelings of the good old times.. @ 7:25 PM
Half filled or half empty Half-filled or half-empty? I guess i'm someone who see things as half-empty.. Expecting things; yet getting disappointments.. Treasure things before you lose them.. Wednesday, August 23, 2006 @ 10:33 PM
Civics table Tuesday, August 22, 2006 @ 7:02 PM
haiz.. low Feeling rather low.. And listening to Qing Xian song again.. Sigh.. Never would a trace of happiness be true unless it is really you.. Monday, August 21, 2006 @ 10:32 PM
TMS.. really missed it.. I was looking thru some photos i took during TMS days.. Actually not really a few.. it's 400++ photos.. with 252 photos taken 1 week before school closed.. The song now is Qing Xian's Zhu Ti Qu.. real suitable.. TMS.. 4S.. As i looked back.. i realised that those were truely my happiest days of my life.. I might be more of an introvert back then, less chatty as now.. Perhaps even smiling and laughing lesser in school.. But there's just this special happiness back then.. One pic stuck me alot.. The one we took together on Teacher's Day.. We really put up a concert, wore the class Tee and together as one, smiled for the photo.. It's really touching.. And teacher's day is nearing again.. I wonder how much of those memories can i recover again.. I was looking at our class photos.. They felt so near, yet so far.. those moments, the classmates, the familiar classmates.. I felt as though i have never left them, that they were with me all these while.. but the truth still remains that i still won't be able to see the complete 4S tomolo when i report for school.. Racial Harmony, Motivation Camp, National Day, Teacher's Day and finally Grad nite.. Why must all good things come to an end? The song i'm listening to depicts my current feeling, maybe not in terms of lyrics, i can't understand canto.. but it's jus that feeling that is induced on me.. Lost in this new environment.. Wishign that the good old fun times was back.. Wishing nothing had ever taken place.. wishing for the simple times.. It's just like wad Season said as she stood on top of the building, "she has gained everything, but in return she has gotten loneliness.." This isn't a very apt description of my current situation, but the feel of loneliness is there.. Something is just missing.. SOmehting from those good old days just ain't there.. TMS holds my fondest memories.. And it's not literally the physical structure, it's wad lies beyond waht we see.. It's the emotional ties that link all my memories together.. @ 5:23 PM
SIW woes Feeling even sicker now.. It's not good having a headache in school, though it's not as bad today... but after school, went for SIW preparation for paperweight.. Wa.. the smoke from exothermic reaction of polyester resin and hardener.. Then the acetone.. cannot take it siah.. in fact in the lab just now, my right lung really hurt lorx.. And.. the mixture got onto my watch and hp.. hmph!! haha.. fresh air, now feeling better.. But still, i have the headache.. =X Sunday, August 20, 2006 @ 6:49 PM
sick! Haix.. i got the second wave of throat infection.. My worst nightmare has come true.. my series of throat infection is still back to haunt me, same time of the year again.. sigh.. Today i woke up with a sore throat, adn it really hurts. I tot nothing much about it, cause usally my throat infection begins with dry throat, not painful throat.. But as the day passed, i had a bad headache and a fever.. sigh.. but still i perservered until i finish watching Thundercop.. getting nicer and exciting le.. I liked the part where Ah Zheng was chasing after the culprit today, it totally reminded me of Kuang Tian You in MDWAV.. haha.. And i still tahan until i finish lunch at 1.30.. Then really cannot take it so i went to sleep.. Woke up to take medicine ( from last time.. ) but i only had fever medicine.. BEcause the doc last time refused to listen to me.. i keep emphasizing it's throat infection, he said it was flu.. -_-" so i had no use for the other medicine.. Woke up at 6.. and i still dun feel ok, though much better.. headache is still there but not as bad.. Sigh.. ANd guess wad? I haven studies bio!! but nvm.. dunno why i'm taking lecture tests in my stride recently.. not becasue i'm confident or wad, but really, i feel a need to have a life.. And i usually reach home lik 6++ recently. Meaning i can't do tut nor study for the test.. cause after bathing and bloggin, it's usually 7 le, and my show marathon starts.. haha.. *woops* but yet i dun really feel as panicky as i tot i should.. Maybe i've learnt to let things come as it is.. worrying doesn't help, what matters most is that i'm enjoying every moment of my life.. I'm so very influenced by shows.. and shows usually show the bad side of life, for eg. in QIng Xian, i've seen how power struggle is such a scary thing.. so much so that i'm really disillusioned with every other thing, i also dunno why... I'm increasingly sceptical of life, of human, of everythign.. sigh.. Later got new show coming up.. Got Jiang Hua.. ^_^ But.. sigh.. not ATV produciton i guess. sigh.. Suddenly i had 3 ATV production to watch in a day, each lasting 2 hrs.. suddenly it's reduced to just thundercop..cause today wei xian ren wu also last episode le.. sigh.. All my shows are ending.. ~~ Saturday, August 19, 2006 @ 10:06 PM
吳永金 吳永金 Finally found the name! wee~ haha.. 
Brr.. Actually wanted to upload Thundercop pix.. then dunno why everythin dun appear. sigh.. @ 9:04 PM
Qing XIan Ye Zhong Huan Power struggle.. the factor that blinds one's eyes causing one to lose their inherent nature, lose ppl around them, and themselves.. Qing XIan Ye Zhong Huan just ended.. The second last episode was particularly exciting, the last episode apparently toned down slightly.. It started off with two ordinary people working in MIG company, handling insurances. One being a worker there for quite some time with excellent performance, the other who was transferred over from her previous job as a lawyer.. They were but ordinary workers.. One advice was given to Season by Charles before she stepped into the company. "hold on steadfast to your principles, for it's easy to lose them in this industry.." She was initially someone innocent, ignorant and simplistic.. She started out low and got bullied, but she never gave up. She never wanted to say die.. Her perseverance allowed her to climb fast.. ANd to add on her clout, the truth that she was Cheng WanHao's daughter was blurted out later on.. Johnny.. An excellent worker in MIG, always getting high sales performances. He laid his eyes on Season and was there for her all those while.. When she was in trouble with QUeenie, he was there to rescue her from danger.. Yet... Jealousy. Power. Wealth. Selfishness. Desires. Hatred. Fear of losing. Anger. All these elements came into the picture.. Season and Johnny, a pair of lovers but yet fraught with difficulties.. Le'er and Le tian came into the picture. SOon, they separated and went with their respective steads. In a final ditch attempt to propose to Season, JOhnny was rejected and immediately, love was tranformed into hatred.. Le tian, Mrs CHeng, even his own Granny fell prey to Johnny.. Season wanted to prove her worth as the daughter of Mr Cheng and swooped low, using unscruptulous methods to get what she wanted.. Treachery. Plotting minds. Sly hearts. Delusion. All these came into the picture.. And finally, today Season won the battle against johnny.. With the help of Cheng Hui, sufficient evidences were gathered agianst Johnny.. But at the end of the day, what did they get? Season won MIG back.. But she lost her first and deepest love, Johnny.. She lost the support of people around her. She has hurt them too deeply, far beyond redemption. She was lost the trust and love of Charles. as said.. "I have gained everything, but yet, i feel so empty.." Johnny gained momentary wealth and power.. Yet he did it at the expense of his friend, his buddy -- ChengHui.. he has lost this friend. He lost colleagues.. And he became permanently paralysed too.. I dunno how i should go around looking at this show.. It's really a show filled with grey regions.. Judgements have to be made, yet nothing is right nor wrong.. As charles said, "i'm not angry with you, but i'm truely lost.." Was season wrong? Was she wrong in wanting to get back what belonged to her and her father? Was she wrong in fighting back MIG which her father has built with his hands? Was she wrong in punishing the bad? yet, was she right? Was she right in plotting against the bad to punish him? Was she right in sacrificing all those who loved her jsut to get her goal? Was she right in pushing on, even though she was deemed as being the one in the wrong? Actually, the root of all happenings was Johnny.. If he hadn't become evil, nothing would have happened.. but then again, it's not quite him neither.. It's actually human nature.. Manisfested with jealously and hatred.. Shadowing their inherent nature.. Season was right in her motive. To claim back what others have taken pains to build. Yet her approach was wrong.. Terribly wrong.. In fact, what now differentiate her from Johnny then? Ha... I stil rmb that scene. She was leaving Johnny's room. The moment the door closed, their smiling faces changed instantly.. both of them.. But in the end, she gained nothing.. In actual fact, she has lost everything, perhaps not all.. but 2 men whom she loved left her.. and whilst she was carrying out her plan, she was left alone.. Such was the devastation that she even considered committing suicide.. Esp after Charles made the decision to leave her.. charles made the right choice, i'd think.. in fact, i feel that she and Johnny are best suited for each other.. After all, she discovered that he was the one she loved the most after all.. And Johnny had her in his heart all these while too.. two person in love, yet in self-denial.. they tried so hard to pull the other party right down to nothingness.. But yet it hurts them.. "It's difficult to hate, all these while when i'm with you, i'm plotting against you, thinking of how to counter your next move.. But at the end of the day, whom i'm hurting is really just myself.. It's a torture.." -- Season if only they faced up to their feelings then. Nothing would have happened.. That's just it.. The brain and the heart.. You can forsake what your heart says, you can follow the brain, and plot against others, think of fame and wealth and power.. But at the end of the day, the brain can earn you nothing.. The heart is still the dominant factor that stays with you till the end of time. Ignore the heart and stick only to the brain, and you'd find that nothing lasts forever, everything is but an illusion.. It's onyl when we're true to what we truely feel will we lead a true life.. Like what Lucy said "It doesnt matter what others' opinions are, if you have a clear conscience, be strong and move on.." You can bury and hide everything that you are feeling.. But that's just self-deception.. you are not ridding of the pain, but instead, numbing yourself.. The struggle for power.. How scary.. but it's something that's really present in the real life.. how many ppl have killed, betrayed friends, harmed others, just for power? But yet.. It's hard to blame johnny nor Season.. They have risen up high.. and they have their own pride.. You rise high, you fall hard.. They don't like the feeling of falling, of defeat... Imagine, one day you fall from above.. People are all watching, waiting and anticipating.. SUddenly, you don't get anyone's support.. All you get are mere sarcasism, teasing, gossiping behind your back.. Suddenly your whole world just fell apart.. That's how scary the world is.. They as an individual do not wish to fall, and the rest of the world won't give them the chance to rest and fall.. It's just a vicious cycle.. In this situation, there's 3 possibliity.. One, you eventually fall, and suddenly the world forgets you.. Two, you remain where you are, just like Charles. Three, you push even harder and move up.. Given their personality, the taste of defeat in the first case is really too hard to swallow.. Maybe we can't blame them neither.. Maybe what we should do is not to point fingers at those so-called baddies, but instead reflect on ourselves.. Was it the outsiders' inspection and watching and criticism that made them become who they were? Actually, it's quite a lonely place up there.. you get everything, yet everything just seems like a facade.. Nothing is real.. johnny and season faced constant fear of losing everyhting they have gained.. but what is there to lose if you din possess them in the first place? That's actually society.. The real world? It's ironical.. Maybe humans ain't evil by nature.. Maybe it's just society.. But what makes up the society? It's still human.. what a joke.. As the lyrics in we were all wrong goes, "if you love me, build a new world for me.." no wonder.. Actually i did emphatised with Johnny and Season.. BUt still, i din agree with what they were donig.. Yet, they din agree with what they were doing too, but they still did them anyway.. Ironical.. Such paradoxes in life.. doing what you din want to do.. Loving each other but not together, instead harming each other.. Mistakes have been committed one after another, just because of a moment's folly.. and it's a point of no return.. ANother thing is about Queenie.. She cared for her brother, begged Johnny to look after him and find the bone donar.. He din.. and her brother died.. Actualy QUeenie has a soft side too.. Yet her anger overwhelmed her.. She stabbed Johnny.. Was that right or wrong? He was at wrong? but is she right in stabbing him? that's another shade of grey.. And Le'er.. Wilful initially.. but she grown up, or was forced to grow up with all these happenings in her family.. at the end, she hated Season to the core.. but, was Season really the one who broke up her happy family? Or was there probs in the first place? Was it actually JOhnny's fault? It's really undefined.. the paradoxes of life.. The undeniable yet undoable facts.. The sceptism of it all.. The ugliness in the beauty and the beauty in the midst of the beauty. Human nature -- the shades of grey.. @ 2:44 PM
Traumatic week Ah.. my toughest week has passed, but it has yet to be gone.. Sigh.. But after today, all the mental trauma of all my shows ending at one go would finish following the ending of QIng Xian Ye Zhong Huan.. that'd mark the end of my current show marathon.. And the only one left would be thundercop.. and actually that show isn't very very very the nice, though it's still nice and entertaining as compared to the new shows that took over my ex-shows' time slot.. The main thing however is still the MDWAV actors though.. haha.. Sad isn't it? Suddenly all the shows that you like so much just end one by one.. haix.. =( Anw, it was also a week that trained me in physical strength too..Cause it's Napfa week.. and i got it worst than others.. You see, i din complete my 2.4km run last time.. So, i had to do the re-run on Tues.. Then following that, my leg hurts. Think i din do warm up properly or something. Worst still, i had stomachache in the morning.. Reported late for PE. Made to do 20 push up for punishment.. I din know how to do the girls' style correctly, so i opted for the guy's style.. and i haven done that for 6 months.. That portion of muscle is out of practice. So i did it with little strength.. later on, with my remaining strength, i still need to run 2.4km.. And my stomachache aftermath remained, so i was struggling thru the run.. Then come 5 items. my hand still ached from the punishment.. My leg hurt.. and in the morning, i tio stomachache again, which persisted slightly for the whole day.. =x Then later for sit and reach,i overstretched my back muscle and i can't bend or move my back as and when i like.. =x but anw, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.. in some sense i should thank all these unfortunate events, because it really trained my determination.. And finally i survived thru al these ordeals.. Weekend has come.. and i can rest w/o worrying about Napfa ( due to trauma of not completing 2.4km run for once.. =X ) But right now, i still can't relax.. Still worrying and fearing over how i'm going to make it thru the last episode of Qing Xian.. Sigh.. Most of the time, it isn';t the endin that makes me really sad.. it's the process of waiting for the show to end.. Knwoing you like the show, not wanting it to end, yet powerless to stop it from ending.. that's the worst part of it all.. Haix.. 7pm.. Pls dun arrive.. countdown.. sigh.. Knowing it would come. Yet powerless to stop it from coming.. Still rmb last year. I counted down til the time school would end.. It'd mean that i would be a ex-TMSian le.. That's the worst part of sec 4.. to think of the pain of separation and all.. For once, i nv hoped to have holidays.. In fact, during study breaks, i still insisted on returning to school everyday early in the morning.. to just sit in the canteen or benches adn stare at the familiar school.. Which was actually kinda a bad decision, practically speaking, since i had to rush thru all my revision in the last one week.. *woops* but emotionally speaking, it was all worth it.. because all the feelings and emotions and memories still remained with me.. and i'm sure it'd last for a long time to come.. Till the end of time.. @ 2:40 PM
Internet hours woes I won't use internet for the rest of the month.. =P Because.. i think i exceeded my 30hrs limit le.. haha.. In fact, i think i exceeded my last month's 60hrs carried forward.. =X Oopss.. And because mine is limitied broadband, if you exceed, it's really very hiong one the payment.. haha.. The worst thing is, i can't check my usage record, cause i lost my password.. and no matter how i try to hack into my own account, i can't.. =X And i use at least like 2hrs internet everyday.. 18 days have passed.. so strictly speaking, i exceeded a lot le.. Last month also, cause i use 3 hrs per day on the average.. =X but all things aside, i dun think i'd keep to my own quota.. cause i cna't resist the temptation of using internet.. =X haha.. Just take now as the best example.. oh no.. going to incur a great amount of cost.. =X @ 2:27 PM
LEO Flag Selling Today was LEO red cross flag selling day.. =) It was fun overall ba, considering the fact that the bedokians are rather generous and nice ppl.. Actually, we started at marine parade, and then we realised that it was a totally-hard-to-get-donation place.. not only was the human flow little, those whom we actually approached hardly donated.. haha.. Time passed rather fast.. unlike flag selling elsewhere last time, time really seemed to drag.. And it was kinda fun too with interesting happenings, like how friendly the ppl can be, or how dao they can get.. lolx.. Two person left a deep impression on me.. the first one was at parkway.. It's this gangster looking guy with slightly red hair.. haha.. there was hardly anyone there then, so i just approached him lorx, but i know won't get donation de la.. Then he's like smiling smiling, want to take money, don't want to take money, nod head shake head.. then finally waved his hand smiled and walked off.. Lolx!! Then i also dunno if he meant he want to donate or not.. =X Then the next one was at Bedok. It was this kind lady.. She was shopping i think.. and someone actually approached her le.. But she said that it's ok, i will donate again.. Then her tone and all sounded so gentle and nice-nice.. ^_^ After that, we drank bubble tea.. i ordered blue coral milk tea, probably a bad choice.. After that, i felt like vomitting, then later on i had a stomachache.. dunno why too, but i choose to attribute it to the blue coral drink.. when the collection ended, we went to Long John to have lunch. Yay! Finally can try the hto and spicy chicken. not bad la.. but after all it's still fast food, so i'm still kinda sian of it.. =X And i was the last to finish.. haix.. Halfway thru, i had the stomachache, then very diff to continue eating.. sigh.. Can't be due to long john rite, wher got immediately stomachache after you eat one.. Shouold be blue coral.. hmpf.. hhaa.. But i still tahan a bit.. So we shopped aorund bedok a bit.. looked at hair accessories, watches, and actualy bags too.. but the rest din know i was looking at the bags.. hee hee.. but the bags not very nice la.. =X Wah.. now finally reached home le, going to sleep soon! ^_^ My weekend has begun! ~Things that are forced upon are things better left undone.. ( totally no link to my post, just a tot i suddenly had while i was bathing just now.. haha.. ) Friday, August 18, 2006 @ 9:17 PM
shows Haix.. All new shows coming up.. Yet none of them are HK shows.. sigh.. ~Sianz..~ And i realise that xi guan da shao's show is on youtube, almost all episodes.. hmph.. haha.. and MDWAV is slowly being uploaded.. =X Thursday, August 17, 2006 @ 7:06 PM
NapFa Today's Napfa.. Finally.. can clear everything and have nice PE session for the rest of the year!! ^_^ At first i missed gold by a bit.. haha.. my standing broad jump. then later the teacher allowed me to retake, though ratehr relunctantly.. haha.. ANd i scraped a C!! Then my sit and reach also scrap a C!! >.< It's really right on the dot of the lower limit.. haha.. I felt so wasted lorx, if i din retake that item.. haha.. casue i was very glad that i could do sit up ( despite aftermath of stomach ), 2.4km run ( despite not in practice for 2 weeks ), and inclined pull up ( despite having aching arms after push up ).. lolx.. The only one that i was neutral about was the shuttle run.. cause the timing a bit problematic.. I think the teacher trying to help us. last time 13.0+s was the norm.. now it's 11.0s and below.. haha.. It seems taht i'm very fated to get either As or Cs.. In JCT too.. haha.. >.< @ 6:53 PM
Forumming lolx.. I decided to post at TJ forum, after being a silent observer for so long.. haha.. lazy to post la.. It's better to blog.. Somehow i just feel this way, maybe bored of forumming le.. =X Wednesday, August 16, 2006 @ 11:09 PM
Tuo Qing Shi Jie 4 Miracles do exist.. SIgh.. Tuo QIang Shi Jie 4 has officially ended.. Somehow, the story doesn't seem to suit the title anymore. it's not really about the sisterhood b/w Ah Zi and SanYuan, but it revolves about the love dilemma and triangle of the respective couples as well as the tribulations they have to go thru.. I started off not really liking the show.. Perhaps i prefer the idea of courtship, rather than certainty.. They started off together, and the only thing that could be considered exciting would be for a third party to come between them, and that to me, was a rather clinche plot.. But later on, as the plots developed, i got more and more attracted to the show, partly becuase i was especially concered about the love triangle existing b/w xiaosheng, zi and Fang Qing.. I really hoped that XIaosheng and Zi would get back together.. I dunno why. that was actually my main concern in the show.. Kuang Sir wasn't really on my list, since i knew that the diff b/w zi and him would lead to a breakage some point in time.. Sigh.. as usual, i lived thru the last episode, fearing that it'd end.. and it has ended.. i wouldn't say the last episode was the climax.. but there was this sentence that caught my attention.. It was from Ah ZI to XiaoSheng in a house when they were on their search for CHeng-sir.. "I have failed to cherish what i had. Thus, i have regrets but there's no turning back.." "To find your true love is hard enough. WHy is it that when they find each other, they have to be separated?" it was particularly heart-wrenching becuase both parties knew of their feelings for each other, but yet, things were so close yet so far. Their love was present, but yet unreachable.. It's not that they kept silent. their expression of love for each other was obvious, but yet reality keeps them separated.. xiaosheng for his commitment and responsibility towards Fang Qing and Zi for her relunctance to act as the third party.. Fang Qing saw the scene when Xiao Sheng and Ah Zi were alone, in each others' company.. true feelings were revealed, those tears are ever so real.. She saw it all, she knew it was impossible that Xiao Sheng could have her in his heart, it was all occupied with Ying Zi.. Moreover, she had pretended to melt the golden whistle and made it into another pendent.. Those agony written on XiaoSheng's face at that split second upon hearing the news was real, yet momentarily.. But she knew that her love, though unreserved, will not be requisited with that of the same magnitude from Xiao Sheng.. And so she decided to leave them.. because she wanted Xiao Sheng to find his happiness, his true love.. That nite, XiaoSHeng felt lost and troubled and went to the usual place.. Zi found him there.. He revealed his love for her, but YingZi felt that sheng should face up to reality, they should not disregard every other thing for the sake of love.. But i truely don't get the point actually.. What's holding Ying ZI back? SUch was a man who was willing to jump off a building to get back their love memento.. Such was a man who constantly thought of her, protected her when she was in trouble.. Yet she broke up with him, only to regret later.. There might be no turning back for her, but to Xiao Sheng, he's ever willing to give her a chance.. The chance was there, why did she give it up just liek that? Maybe she's too practical? But she truely don't understand something.. Perhaps i don't too.. Fang QIng knew that she should leave because she wasn't the one in Xiao Sheng's heart, Ah Zi was, and she was but a mere third party in this relationship. by leaving, she might inflict endless pain on herself, but at least the 3 won't suffer together.. Such was her understanding.. But Ying ZI.. does she know that when she give up and leave the scene, it's a completely different picture.. XIaosheng wil be with Fang QIng, and love her with all her could, but at the same time, there'd be this loneliness and coldness and emptiness that reside in him, haunting him for life.. Fang Qing will forever be putting on that happy face that Xiao Sheng would be with her, but yet in her heart knowing that his heart was so near yet so far.. another endless hurt for eternity.. And mayeb Ying Zi might be relieved of her pain soon..i dunno.. When she's sad, she'd be reminded of Xiao Sheng and tears might roll, but that pain won't be constantly on her mind.. out of sight, out of mind.. UNlike XiaoSheng and Fang QIng who would face each other day and night.. Maybe she din want to break up the two of them.. But actually, in asking XIao Sheng to face reality, she's pushing the three of them towards a dead end.. I dunno.. Mayeb i'm wrong.. Maybe her decision was correct.. But if it is, then i'm the one who dun understand now.. And fang QIng was so wei da.. But truthfully speaking, she was nv my fav char till the last minute.. Maybe it was some sort of ying1 ying3 from the show wei si li ba.. She kinda resembled ah zi's char in that show.. Actually, though i knew that she'd be sad and all, i was glad that she left the picture, being convinced that that was the best possible outcome for their entanglement.. I dunno.. mayb the idea that ah zi and sheng shoudl be together is too deeply imprinted in my mind.. Silently she endured all the pain, but it was really for the betterment of the situation, in my opinion.. At least, she need not weep every night as she face the man whom she love, but could not love her back.. At least, the pain would fade off with time.. But i din quite like the ending.. It was an open ending, true.. it shoudl be the kind that i like.. but truthfully, i was quite -_-" when it just ended.. i guess i was convinced that series 4 would be the last series.. it was 9 months later.. at sha sha's bdae party.. Cheng feng was yet to be found.. XiaoSheng returned from LA to HK.. Ah ZI was promoted.. XiaoSheng and Ah zi left to buy something and had time alone together.. he had had a discussion with fang qing and realised that they weren't suited for each other.. He has returned for his love, but would she accept him? i can't exactly rmb the words off hand, i dunno why.. but.. the gist was that as long as true love exist, miracles would happen.. It was that same feelnig i had for MDWAV.. that same old feeling.. Although the diff was that Ouyang zhenhua and ada lacked that bit of chemistry.. it was at that deciding moment when San Yuan jumped into the picture and said that there was news about ah feng's location.. though many of such news have been recieved, she din take it lightly and pressed on, there will be miracles.. off they went, and the show ended.. Did sanyuan find ah feng? did xiaosheng get back togetehr with ah zi? It's an open ending, prob to pave the road for tuo qiang 5.. but the open ending was lousily done, in my opinion.. SUch open ending isn't open at all actually.. it's a yes no question.. which is kinda well.. i dunnno.. it's unlike MDWAV which left a legacy behind ( HK ending ).. actually the VCD ending for MDWAV was just like this kinda ending, either Xiao Ling died or she din.. and i was like -_-" too.. but i knew there was anotehr endin, which was better.. It's unlike Xian Jian which had a truely open ending.. and that's the kind i liked.. a reflective point up to your own interpretation.. it's a success of an open ending.. Miracles do exist; as long as you believe in them.. Tuesday, August 15, 2006 @ 7:10 PM
Ketchup Law I finally learned something from Physics Olympiad training today.. muahaha... And it's.. The Ketchup Law.. Ok la, it's dunno wad law, but i sounds like ketchup law.. so from that point where the teacher mentioned this, iw as like laughing to myself throughout the whole lesson.. Even breaking out into laughter with the ppl around me at one point in time.. you see.. the teacher said she want to change marker colour. then we were like use red! lolx.. See, i internalise what i learn ok? At least till now, i still rmb the name of the law.. Ketchup law.. ^_^ @ 7:04 PM
Shows + songs Ah.. i'm just suddenly so facinated by Xi Guan's song.. And also thundercop's song.. I was humming them during my Physics SPA lorx.. haha. and i was so happy the whole period. muahah. And the thing is, both song plays continuously in me, and overlaps each other.. ah.. i finally realised Qing Xian is Qing Xian ye Zhong Huan, not Qing Xian Yi Zhong Huan.. -_-" lolx.. was searching for its song yest, when i couldn't find. Upon checkig with ATV website, i finally relaised my mistake.. Not too late la horx.. At least still 2 episode away from last episode.. ( -_-" ) lukcily in my blog i always say Qing Xian only.. >.< must be i got the xian1 zhi1 that i shld use only QIng Xian.. ^_^ so sad.. all my shows ending.. Xi guan ended.. Qing xian going to end.. Love zero degree C ended.. Tuo qiang going to end. sob..+ Monday, August 14, 2006 @ 8:10 PM
Xi Guan Da Shao - Final episode haiz.. Xi Guan Da Shao officially ended le.. Haiz.. The last episode is very very nice.. Esp the last quarter of the show, where the summary of the love b/w Shuang Xi and Tian Ci was shown.. I especially liked the way how their future love story was depicted thru the writings on the wall.. It's really very touching.. I dunno how to describe it, but yup, the effect was there, and it really just touched my heart.. Alot.. it's kinda miraculous, how they went thru all the difficulties, turned one big round, only to return eventually to one another.. And how Tian Ci followed thru Shuang Xi's emotions and experiences thru that wall.. And how their happiness was eventually shown on the wall too.. I dunno how i should say it, but it's a real good use of the plot, where the wall is a definite testimony of the trials and turbulent the twosome went thru in order to find their first and true love.. Initially.. i tot this show was boring, the title suggests this and even the advertisement.. Later on, it got interseting, but i tot what mattered in the show was the strength of a woman -- YuQing, together with the maturation of Tian Ci, and not the love b/w Tian Ci and Shuang XI, which i saw as secondary in the show.. This feeling and tot persisted till the last two episode of the show.. but the last episode totally wiped off my impression of the show. It's truely very nice, and yes, it was the love of Tian Ci and Shuang Xi, which eventually stood out the most.. The core idea, emotions and all lies solely on this deciding moment and factor.. I could really feel as though i'm jsut there, as i saw Tian Ci coming into the hall of the prize presentation and said "have you found your true love then?". n how shuang xi replied.. "Yes, i have.." Eventaully, Tian Ci kneeled down in front of the crowd, begged for her forgiveness for indirectly rejecting her in the past, and shuang Xi was touched till tears flowed out of her eyes.. And she agreed to stay on with him, aborting her plan ( filled with pain and sadness ) to return to England and be a nurse over there.. After this, there was a replay of all the significant happenings in their lives.. ANd the theme song was played.. ANd i'm currently listening to it now.. I can feel the show living at this very moment.. From the playful tian Ci, who would take extreme actions to tease Shuang Xi.. Of how they simply hated each other.. Till how love slowly blossomed b/w them.. When frequent quarrels turned to the discovery of their love.. To how they finally got together and spent happy times.. Till when they had a moment's separation to pursue their own interests.. Till a permanent separation as Tian Ci's family disapproved of their relationship.. And how eventually, Shuang XI made a painful decision to marry Guo Bang, a doctor and live Guang Zhou to England to become a nurse.. It was a long and tedious process.. During this long journey, Tian Ci grew.. Shuang Xi grew.. They might no longer have the youth to be like as before, playing, teasing.. But the fact remains that they have found their ultimate true love. As said by BiQi: "Shuang Xi is your first and only love." Really really miraculous.. Twists of events. Turns of fate.. It's kinda funny how things work out sometimes.. ANd there's 2 person involved in this picture too.. BiQi.. She knew she liked Tian Ci.. BUt at the same time, she knew that he din love her. The only one he truely loved was Shuang Xi. SHe knew it was pointless to have him by her side, if his heart wasn't there to start off.. With her own hands, she created chances for the two lovers to be together. SHe encouraged Tian Ci, and made the final push for him to garner that courage to take the first step and win back Shuang XI. SHe tot she could use her handicap to retain Tian Ci by her side, she knew she was wrong when she saw the return of Shuang XI. SHe knew she was living in a state of sef-denial. SHe knew it was all pointless.. Hence, she knew for Tian Ci to find happiness, she must let go, be strong, stand on her own legs, and depend on herself.. Such was how understanding and strong she was as a person.. Then comes Guo Bang.. A doctor who aspired to help the Third World country. He knew that he would be battling with infectious diseases; and he expected himself to lose this battle someday.. Still, he went to Africa with Shuang Xi and treated them.. And his love for Shuang Xi was commendable.. His final words.. "FInd your true love. Don't sacrifice your happiness for my sake.." such was his love for Shuang Xi.. He din mind the fact that the person whom Shuang XI called for when she was infected was Tian Ci, not him.. He din mind that his love did not have her love for him.. He just wishes for her to be happy, always.. I'm touched.. Yet.. Such love, strength, understanding, self-sacrificing qualities.. Can they only be found in a perfect world with a perfect senario? Are these stil present in reality, or are they merely fleeting moments in a show? With this the song ends after being played for 5 times.. @ 5:14 PM
2 sig events Before school started today, 2 significant events took place.. The first being during my bus trip.. There were 2 Pri school students sitting behind me.. And guess what their conversation was about? It was about mugging, and how they felt that compre is the only thing that dun need to mug. And they used the word mug. lolx. =X And i was surprised at how far they plan ahead of time. there was one who said how she's going to study hard, get good grades, get into sec sch, then go into designing sch, go to u, set up a shop, design her own clothes, and sell them online. if business is good, she's gonna open more and more shops.. -_-" that's really far-sightedness man.. Even now, i dun have such clear picture of my future.. In fact, when i was in Pri sch, i was just concerned about TV.. haha.. even though i'm still concerned about TV now, but at least i still recognize other commitments with family, friends and school etc.. haha.. To think this new generation has already painted their future pathway at that point in time when i tot that the world was all pokemon, digimon etc.. lolx.. Then in school, some TA studesnts were talking about Qing Xian!! yay!! haha.. i din realise it initially until i heard Johnny and Le'er.. then i eavedroped.. oops.. haha.. And they like crazy over Charles.. haha.. But he really got a nice nice character la, upright and honest and caring and all.. >.< @ 5:05 PM
ATV shows Sigh.. sad la.. All my shows coming to an end le.. It's that same phase i'm going thru periodically.. Tuo Qiang ending on Wed. Today, xi guan da shao ending too. This sat, QIng XIan ending too.. sigh.. I hope the new shows will be nice.. otherwise i'd be left feeling so empty.. =X Actually i particularly can't bear to part with Qing Xian the most.. it started off just like any other show.. But it went into such climax that left me really amazed.. ANd i can't bear for it to end just lidat.. That's the power of ATV production i guess.. I realised that for ATV shows, if you actually get past the first half of the show ( which tends to be dry and boring ) and watch on, you'd reach a climax that leaves you really wow with the show. It was the same with MDWAV, and now Qing XIan.. Initially i was amazed at how Qing Xian was actually a major production of ATV, and Qing XIan 2 was even filmed.. but now i really see the success of the show.. ACtually ATV is rather poor financially from what i read.. But the thing is their shows actually explore the inner feelings of human and put human nature as a reflection point.. ANd sometimes, that's the thing that matters most in life.. It's really something close to your heart.. And after watching many ATV shows, i do see why ppl who like ATV shows really like them alot.. It might seem cheap production, but somehow there's this force of attraction exuding from the shows.. And in some sense, though TVB might be able to come up with high quality production, there's just this something missing from the show.. As expressed by one fan, it's due to the close ties and chemistry between ATV stars that they could nurture being a smaller family in comparison to TVB.. maybe that's true, but i guess what attracts me to ATV shows is multifactorial and cannot be attributed to just the cast.. Though i gotta admit, they play a major role in pushing for the success of the show.. Hoping to see more ATV production... Pls Pls.. @ 4:58 PM
HP wallpaper Haha.. Been d/l wallpapers for HP, ever since i couldn't find themes for my HP.. =X  So saddist.. But i like.. isn't it just so nice?
Sunday, August 13, 2006 @ 6:51 PM
Du Xia Zhi Ren DIng Sheng Tian Yest channel 8 had a nice show at 10.30.. Du Xia zhi ren ding sheng tian, or something lidat.. haha.. It was a comedy.. ( so i got attracted to it.. ) And later on, i saw.. yang gong ru.. hee hee.. the one who acted in MDWAV 1 and 2.. wahahah.. Overall the show not bad.. Very wacky show, good for unwinding yourself. haha. Exaggerated plots, but i like them though. haha. Of how the whole world aroudn you turns out to be a deceiving plot as you awaken to the ultimate truth that everyone around you was actually spy sent by your own brother who so badly wanted you run down.. haha.. it sounds absolutely evil, isn't it? but the show portrayed it in a funny manner.. haha.. >.< Then there was this extremely funny plot la, which even had me stunning.. Me, the creator of lameology.. muahah.. In that split second, yang gong ru, acting as ah fa ( hua ), took off her "mask" and revealed her true ugly ( in comparison ) face.. then the guy, acted by zhang jia hui, also took off his "mask" to reveal his ugly face too!! haha.. at that point of time, i relaly nothing to say siah.. It's those kinda feeling that you're so amused into a state of shock and you're unable to react fast enuff to this sudden twist of event. Onyl when they tranformed to their original face did i break into serious laughter la.. haha.. But actually i did see the significance of that plot though, even though it's brought across in a funny manner.. in short, it's just telling us to go beyond the surface, and look at one's heart, not just the looks.. haha.. muahaha.. still feeling so amused.. @ 6:36 PM
Qing xian johnny.. Yesterday's TV was quite fun.. haha.. Got NDP re-telecast and Superband Finals re-telecast.. ^_^ The climax of Qing Xian has reached.. JOhnny killed his granny.. Yup.. Maybe he din mean to do it, perhaps it was all an accident. But the truth is, he let it happened right in front of his eyes.. What's the point? Like what i always say, you gain everything at the expense of losing everything. He might be flithy rich, garner lots of power in the enterprise world. But what's the use? Nobody is truely standing by him.. He has killed his closest granny, who loved him with all her life and heart.. What's the use of that much wealth and power, if you're alone? How could anyone think that kinship can be replaced by those materialistic and superficial elements? He has a wife who stood by him too. Le'er started out wild, rebellious and rude. but so many things have occurred, they simply tamed her and made her realise that nothing in the world is mroe important than love.. Kinship, friendship, her husband. These are fundamental elements that make up our lives.. But JOhny chose to throw them away.. I'm truely disappointed. I tot he was the righteous one in the company intially. Even Charles appeared a bit weird at times initially.. Yet the truth is really deceiving, not what we perceive with our eyes.. You can climb right up to the top, but in the end, you simply find that it's not that great after all.. And what you get back in return is just a life of loneliness and sadness.. and if you live in constant self-denial thinking that it's all that glamorous, then you're a real gone and sad case.. Many who climbed all the way up saw this.. Whether in real life or in QIng XIan.. We see Charles who hated office politics, and preferred to just do things honestly and fulfil all the tasks given to him. We see le'er who was terribly hit by al the happeninigs in the family. And there's Queenie, whom i tot was cold-blooded and absolutely arrogant.. But behind that hard cold face, there lies a heart which cared for her sick brother.. She'd give up everything to save him.. In jail, she lost all her arrogance, and became milder.. And i'd think that's her true inherent self.. But in the struggle of power, she has lost herself, causing her to commit attrocities that she might have never tot she'd do in her wildest dream.. Still, now, she has finaly foudn herself, the true her who cares so much for her brother.. I fear that Season might fall into the dark side. She's currently lying on the fine dividing line b/w the good and bad. As i look at the face she gives, though it might be all an act, i really fear that she'd overstep the border and land herself into a bottomless pit.. Johnny.. i dunno wad to say about him.. He has sank too deeply in.. Even if he regrets, it's really too late.. he has lost his granny already.. And that's a burden he has to carry with him for a lifetime.. Wealth is nothing. Without money, we can do nothing. But we can't do everything with money too.. At the end of the day, it is that heart which exists in all of us that matters the most.. The invaluable feelings that can never be bought.. No wonder we had Fate and Dizang wang in MDWAV.. one who's so utterly disappointed with mankind due to ppl like johnny. and one who sees that inherent goodness in one, which might be masked off unintentionally, eg. Queenie.. @ 6:30 PM
A mistake My frequent lamenting on how disappointing humans are.. True? False? Actually none. huams are all living in a world of shades of grey. The greyness is one to be feared, as it smears all humans, resulting in such intermingling that nothing is there to be.. What if everything in the universe were to be faced with a calamity which emcompasses all frequency one can ever forseen.. Would everything just fuse together and crush into nothingness? What if one day, something like that did happen? Would everything end miraculously just like how it all started? We were all wrong? was the creation a mistake in the first place? is it time? @ 6:24 PM
The ultimate destruction... The past is a feared issue to speak about.. The present is a mere shadow of the past.. The future holds nothing, except for memories of the past.. The dominant aspect of life -- our past.. Eternity begets infinite accumulation of the darkness of it all.. Speak of it no more, buried deep into nothingness.. Yet the past still prevails. Haunting. Forever. Eternity. The anguish. The one in the universe who saw it all coming, going and soon.. Ending.. The ultimate destruction... @ 6:06 PM
TMS in Crisis Listening to zai shuo yi ci wo ai ni.. brings me back to the days one year ago.. When i was still in TMS.. I got a terrible shock yest.. I recieved a msg forwards by my friend about TMSA in crisis and how TMS will lose its autonomous status.. I just stunned.. Later on, at night, my confusion was slightly resolved when i received another msg, this time direct from the person who asked for our help.. Turned out that they're looking for ppl to run or vote for TMSA exco.. But JC students are not included though.. But it cheered me in the sense that things weren't as bad as what i imagined it to be.. What i tot was that the school was going to close down.. CHOY! Aiya, my imagination runs very very wild, esp on the negative side one.. Also, i'm comforted by the fact that i'm still remembered in TMS.. together with the rest of the TMSian.. Plus, she ended off saying that a Friends of TMSA will be set up soon after the election, which serves to keep us inform of the school's event. Cool. I'm glad.. Cause the applicatoin form is still with me, and i haven filled it in, plus i think i misplaced it le.. -_-" And today, there was a further clarification of the whole issue as i read the long email by her.. Fortunately, there was no mention of TMS losing her autonomous status at all.. Not that i'm really that particular about whether TMS has that title, but it's just that.. The school, teachers and students have worked so hard for so many years to achieve this title, maintained this title.. No way are all our efforts gonna go down the drain just in those split second.. It's the school's glory, and a testimony of the achievements we had since the school started 26yrs ago.. But even as i was still in TMS last year, i have heard rumours of such threat already.. Which actually further antagonized me when i received that msg yest.. Believe. We must push on and strive together. Only then will TMS be brought to a greater height. TOgether as one, we will.. Saturday, August 12, 2006 @ 6:48 PM
qing shi she me muahaha.. i finally d/l the qing shi she me.. ending show of Thundercop.. very nice..^_^ so lucky.. the website of ericfan happened to have links to this song too!! yay! @ 6:23 PM
MDWAV clips - funny Hee hee.. wad a nice compilation of the shots, esp the funny ones from MDWAV 1,2 and 3.. haha.. had a nice time watching this.. ^_^ @ 6:15 PM
Eric and Ye Ke Ren Hmmm.. I din know the girl who acted as Ye Ke Ren in Tan Pan Zhuan Jia was once from ATV too.. haha.. Anw, she din seem to have aged at all lorx.. In the video, Eric was like so young, and she din look any younger from now ( meaning she maintained her youth.. ) Such a humourous shot!! >.<>.< @ 6:07 PM
MDWAV clips muahah.. I just realised that someone had uploaded the MDWAV show on the internet.. haha.. And i had such a great time watching them, though haven finished yet. Cause quite alot.. =X I wonder how Tian You shot the part where he was hanging from a tall building, with only a handcuff to hold him in place.. scary siah.. =X Then Fusheng is very cute when he was young.. ^_^ @ 12:20 AM
Kenneth Chan haha.. as i was looking at my previous post, i realised that Kenneth Chan quite pleasing to the eyes.. Even in the show, though he had the ugly sunglasses on, he stil din lose his coolness.. Muahahha... ~Wan Yan Bu Po -- 800-yrs old vampire~ Friday, August 11, 2006 @ 11:58 PM
SIW ah.. Just as i tot that i completed my SIW proposal and administrative stuff, i suddenly realised that i forgot to send something.. haha.. @ 8:48 PM
Gone Isolation is a good feeling.. but yet discrimination is not.. paradoxes of life.. the world of paradox.. The peace of loneliness and the fear of being left out.. To integrate both would be a feat indeed.. Sigh.. Lost in a world where nothing seems to exist without shades of gray.. @ 8:39 PM
LEO pot luck TOday was LEO pot luck! =) I've been lookign forward to it.. haha.. It was quite fun and the food was nice.. though i felt that personally the "outing" din really serve to bond us much.. lolx.. or maybe i din make the effort.. ??? ANw, i felt that the teacher was rather ke lian.. as in, she was like rather isolated at one corner, finding food to eat by herself, entertaining herself, trying to get into a conversation with the students.. sigh.. i'd feel very left out if i were her.. Even though i felt this way.. but still i dunno in what ways can i communicate with her.. or maybe i'm just thinking too much.. @ 8:12 PM
Xi Guan Da Shao Just watched Xi Guan Da Shao.. I suddenly gotta agree, it's really a nice sweet show.. Seldom do you get a show where the plot is simply, yet really touching with lotsa thinking points w/o you getting too bored.. Perhaps it seems rather dry in the beginning, but after taht, the plot began to grow and the show took off from there.. There's 2 main thinking points to me in the show. ONe being the greatest of a woman, YuQIng. And the next being the maturing of Tian Ci.. Yuqing was really a commendable woman, with great love for her family. Born to a modest family, she started off by washing the feet of the Zhou family. Nevertheless, she put in her heart and soul to all that she does and finally was inducted into the Zhou business, soon to become one of the most trusted aide of Ming Xuan.. Her importance in the company grew, under the trust of Ming Xuan, ultimately leading to the jealously of MX's wife, Derong. Despite difficulties ahead as well as unfair treatment on top of frequent sarcasism, she pressed on, never feeling indignant about anything.. Soon, she become MX's 2nd wife, though of equal status as Derong.. FOllowing which Ming XUan's illness took a bad turn and eventually died. LIfe was never simple from then onwards, as she faced constant sinister comments from Derong. Still, her only wish was to carry out Ming Xuan's wish in full and seek to commit her fullest to the Guang Zhou CHuan Hang as well as to the Zhou Family.. BUt, later on, the Zhou family trusted the wrong guy, wu wan cheng, which led to the accumulation of heavy debts, hidden behind the glamourous facade painted by the evil man. YuQing saw all these, and speculated the end of the shipping company, yet she was powerless to stop all these. Feeling desponent, she decided to withdraw her shares and demanded for a cash-in of her shares. THis was an act to salvage whatever money she could so that it'd be easier for Tian Ci to re-establish the company in the future. However, her intention went unseen by the rest, and she was misunderstood to be someone practical and money-minded.. She left, seemingly hard-heartedly, yet she held on strong, against all the negative comments.. Now, the time has come and the company was declared bankrupted. It might seem to be a dead end for the Zhou family when YuQing returned with all the inheritance she took. This was the part which i die die din want to miss today. Immediately, the entire family saw her yong xin liang ku and regretted deeply for the way they treated her in the past. They tot she was all money-minded.. Such deep misunderstanding of a woman with such high moral integrity and selflessness.. Remarkable indeed.. Just a side note: i began to see the good side of Derong too. She works for the betterment of the family with one major fallacy of her being easily engulfed in jealously. This has led to many wrong judegements being made, tempers being lost. But yet, today i saw her loyalty and devotedness she had towards the Zhou Family and Ming Xuan. She might appear to be evil, but it wasn't her inherent nature to behave in such a manner. Despite the possibilities of living the life of a bankrupt, she refused to return to her maiden home and insisted on standing by the ZHou family.. Whether in times of good and bad.. Ah.. Anw, now for Tian Ci.. I see the growth in him.. HOw should i describe this feeling.. from someone playful, adn really utterly playful at that to someone who has really matured, and has settled down to handle a big family business by himself.. It's really a big change, something that you would least expect of someone who was never serious in anything he does.. Perhaps this is particularly relevant to me, that's why i felt so strongly about this. The change from sec sch to JC.. We are "Forced" to mature at such an alarming rate that it scares me sometimes.. I rmb how ppl weren't bothered about tests and exams in the past.. Now, even on forums, ppl were panicking about how they were stuck with their JCT revision.. It's really a shift from a play play attitude to one that you are concerned about, panicking about, whether or not actions have been taken.. The way how we would party all day in the past, to now, everyone has settled down and be busy with whatever they have at hand.. From how PW was always like a play game thing, till how serious ppl are now, even intiating meetings on their own.. I dunno how i shall describe this. the changes ain't as literal nor as school-based as what i'm describing now, but yeah, ppl have grown, they have matured, whetehr it was by their wish or against their wishes.. And tomolo, Tian Ci will stand at a crossroad, seeing the return of SHuang Xi and the paralysed Biqi in an attempt to save him from a car accident.. If i were Tian Ci, i'd choose to be with Biqi as the responsiblity is there, though my heart still holds on dearly to Shuang XI.. If i were BiQi, i'd encourage Tian CI to return to SHuang XI because i know his heart lies with her,and it is only with her will he find true happiness.. if i were Shuang Xi, i'd avoid tian Ci, because that gap b/w us would still persist, and i'd know that i shouldn't come b/w him and biqi now.. Such would be the mentality if i were any of them.. Put the three together and you get a big dilemma situation.. Being with someone who is true to you, or to be someone whom you're true to? True happiness, how do you get it? Actually i begin to see Shuang Xi's point when she was affected by their class differences.. I tot it was foolish of her to give up TIan Ci despite his attempts to salvage their relationship.. But now i do agree with her point that Tian Ci was immature all these while.. They live in different world and whilst love might overcome such barriers, that fallacy will remain for a long time to come, and true happiness wil not be attained at will.. It would be a constant struggle and soon, the tear wil grow deeper and the pain that accompanies that deep tear would be much more difficult to endure.. Perhaps SHuang Xi was wise at that point of time to see that there's no meaning in continuing with that relationship.. Thursday, August 10, 2006 @ 6:06 PM
huh so weird.. i din know the hmmm.. forgot his name.. well, the one who acted as the bad guy in Thundercop, also acted in MDWAV.. Hmmmzz.. but anw, since FuSheng's website had him there, then i guess he must have acted in it, though i have never seen him.. haha.. Suddenly i just realised how tough it is to find actors/actresses's official website unless you have the direct link.. ah.. haha.. @ 5:27 PM
Vampire pix Wanted to compile a series of photo of some actors that look quite alike.. but i guess, after looking at the photos, i conclude that they ain't really that alike after all.. haha..  Lin Wen Long.. haha.. so he isn't the yang something guy after all.. lolx.. Kenneth Chan ( Wan Yan Bu Po in MDWAV )  White-eyed Vampire Red-eyed Vampire actually i wanted to feature more vampire pictures here de, such as pinky and angie, but wells.. haha.. can't really find their out-of-show photos. cause i dun really know their real name.. =X oh wells, now that i know their name and got the link for their websites, i can't seem to upload their pix. brr.. it doesn't turn out well.. so oh wells.. gotta just publish whatever i have here lorx.. =X @ 5:00 PM
End of HOliday Haiz.. today is the last day of holiday le.. my long holiday.. ah.. but nvm.. teacher's day coming soon.. which means.. another visit to TMS.. wahahha.. and this time, there won't be any POT to impede me anymore.. THe holiday has been a fun one.. first day, whole day out. Second day, TV marathon. Third day, which is today, internet and MDWAV time.. muahaha.. But sadly, it seems taht the new shows coming up next ain't as nice as those i'm watching now. To kick things off, we have the da nan ren, xiao nan ren, which is a far cry from the previous Love Zero Degree C lorx.. Same old casts are used with the usual plots.. THen Tuo Qiang ending soon le.. sigh.. I really hope that XIao Sheng and Ah ZI will get back together.. It's kinda obvious that they still had each other in their heart.. And their character match each other lorx.. Feng feng dian dian one.. XIao Sheng just dones't match Fang QIng.. And Ah ZI won't go well with Kuang Sir.. mayb they're happy now, but sooner or later, their differences in ideology, practices, and style of living would surface, and happiness would soon fade away.. Kuang SIr is walking on a more classy end of life.. Watches EL movies, not chinese VCD. that's so unlike Zi and her family. Fang Qing walks on the romantic side of life, which isn't exactly to Xiao SHeng's taste. He's more of a humourous guy who likes to be wacky and all.. And speaking of Kuang SIr, the yang somehting.. forgot his name. anw, he's not intending to extend his contract with TVB le.. sigh.. sad isn't it? n he's going to Mainland to further his career, either in the movie or drama serials industry.. sobx.. =X Anw, back to topic, i wonder what is the show taht'd replace tuo qiang after it ends.. Hope taht it's another HK show.. And my 7 oclock show ending too.. and it's gonna be replaced with hai de er zi. the shots seemed pretty heart-warming.. but not the casts.. they're the same old cast again!! haha.. i prefer the refreshing outlook just like that in love Zero degree C. YOung and vibrant! new plots etc... But holidays do have its down side though.. just as i tot i have removed the bug in my com, it was infected by another wave of the adware.. sigh.. sad isn't it? And i wanted to terminate pac net le.. But the pac net website is so not informative. It doesn't have a section for terminating the internet. Neither does it provide me with informaiton as to where its outlet mgiht be. i know there's one in Tampiness, but i can't recall if it's at CS or in TMS.. and no matter how i search, i sitll can't find one in CS nor TM. THere was one search results which was in TM, but it's in the basement area, which i certainly doubt the credibility of this search result. I'm quite sure it's on the top storeys, not the bottom floor. =X bad service.. haha.. @ 4:39 PM
MDWAV dream! I just realised that ATV website of MDWAV 1+2 is better looking than that of MDWAV 3.. haha.. but nvm.. I was just looking for Ma Ding Dang's real name.. It's zhang hui yi.. Hee hee.. the one who acted as the Hong Yi Triad Chief in Tuo Qiang.. also dunno why suddenly just wanna find out her name.. I was just looking the MDWAV 2 MV halfway, when i saw her love with Vampire commander.. So out of curiosty, just check it out lorx.. Anw!!!!! Wahahha.. Guess whta happened today? Or yest maybe? I had a dream!!! ANd the dream was about MDWAV, more specifically, MDWAV cast.. Even more specifically, the Kuang Family.. And even more specifically, it's Kuang Tian You, Ma Xiao LIng and Kuang TIan Ya.. wahahaha... It's like a dream come true.. Hmm. not that the dream came true, as in the dream came true.. =X Eric Wan had short hair.. ANd that looks much neater than his long hair. But it was not dyed, so that vampire style was lost.. haha.. ANd if i din rmb wrongly, he's like rather dao in my dream lorx.. =X how sad.. THe Xiao Ling aka Joey Ma liek so shy la.. Although the 3 of them appeared together, but the main person was like Eric.. but anw, she appears to be kinda scared scared lidat.. Lastly.. tian Ya.. Kylie Kwok. the one who destroyed the MDWAV series by making a decision to develop her career in Taiwan.. Quite irresponsible and wang en fu yi lorx.. She entered the industry via a vampire contract. 2 yrs ended and she left just like that. *ah* anw, in my dream, i was the one who attitude to her.. muahahha.. n she at most only appeared in one scene, though she's always there, but most of the time, she's out of my sight.. it has been 31 weeks since MDWAV ended, and finally, i had a dream about the show!! how nice would it be if i were to have a dream every night about MDWAV, and each dream were to be one episode of MDWAV series, from 1 to 3.. wah.. How exciting and entertaining la.. haha.. but then again, dream on.. As though such things can happen.. =X Still.. Believe and it can be, don't believe and it can't be~~~ @ 12:24 AM
Happy National Day Ah.. The song.. so nice!!! well, maybe not very nice.. but somehow, there's a feeling attached to the song, i can't recall for what matter or anything, but the feeling that the song has a special meaning to it remains.. Anw, Happy National Day everyone!! And happy birthday Singapore!!! *Hands 41 candles to Singapore* ~~~ Well.. today not as many TV programme as i expected.. sad isn't it? but there was one on magic show adn the secrets revealed.. so i watched that instead of the xin zhong yan chang hui.. haha.. after all, i watched the cut version b4 le, and i heard ah du's jian chi dao di.. or was it another song.. Hmmm.. can't really rmb le. haha.. Anw, National DAy.. So the highlight is of course NDP 2006!!! AH.. It brings me great joy and excitement as NDP brings me fond memories.. I was once part of it, and from then onwards, NDP had a special place in me.. but somehow, i felt that this year's colour combi seemed weird. even for the fireworks.. It looks kinda dull and not vibrant enough.. But then again, it might just be me.. Cause later on, after tuo qiang, i saw some shots of the NDP, then i felt that the colour was not bad after all.. lolx.. Singaopre SOKA participated -- again.. without fail.. haha.. and i quite liekd their performance.. There was some zha2 ji4 involved.. hee.. and the nan hua sec was in the final segment.. wee~! just like TMS last time.. haha.. and their props quite the same as ours.. though i got a feelin they ain't as heavy was what the guys used to hold onto.. 5Kg.. lolx.. I liked the shiny thingy.. And the light effect.. ^_^ But on the other hand.. it's the last NDP in this current National Stadium le.. 17 times in this stadium and it's gonna be demolished.. The building that was with us celebrating national day for many years since our national building.. Sometimes, i dun see the need for the priceless memories to make way for urbanisation and development.. But still, i feel the need for it though, in order to keep up with the pace of globalisation.. sigh.. kinda contradicting.. You and your feelings as a person, adn the fact of life, the reality of it all.. The cruel fact of how we have to compromise on our beliefs in order to fit into what society deems best, ideal and desirable.. And the thing is.. sometimes, society might not be right after all.. How i wished that i could be there.. not as audience. but as participants.. It might be tough training.. But at that moment, as you see singaopre coming together as one, celebrating her birthday, nothing mattered much to you anymore.. You won't feel the tiredness, the rigor of the training. Instead, what i felt was real happiness and that surge of something coming from the bottom of my heart.. At most, the negative feeling i had was the fear of it all coming to an end.. But when the end really came, i had my own yi yi bu she.. But somehow, i knew i have seen the best of what things can be.. Still rmb the celebration we had in the stadium.. It felt as though the stadium belonged to us.. haha.. those were those days.. ah.. @ 12:16 AM
new blog song last flight out Lolx. I changed my blog song again.. Cause the thrill of discovering this song cheered me up, and thus, leading to the elimination of the spiteful in the end... not that the song is spiteful, but it just speaks of anger and all.. yup.. haha.. This is Last Flight Out!!! Wahaha.. i finally found it.. Oh man.. I remember the hardship i went thru 6-7 yrs ago trying to search for this song. ANd found it, but it was incomplete.. So, i only knew the song up till the 2.11min, never beyond.. Maybe i do, at least over the radio in the past, but i can't rmb it.. and finaly i got to hear the complete song!! wEe~~ haha.. Funny isn't it? I like to put old English songs on my blog.. my memories of El songs lies in the past, and i'd rather it remain that way.. BEcause the songs nowadays ( el ones ) don't suit me at all.. I still recall those times where Plus one was often mistaken to be A one when i did my online search.. but doesn't matter much to me.. A one was my fav band in the past.. haha.. Maybe i can make use of the sever to tune in to my once-fav el songs.. wahaha.. I have 100++ in my old com. But it's dying already.. all those hits of the past.. ah.. @ 12:03 AM
Blog Song in the end added a blog song.. again.. THis time, it's In the End by Linkin Park.. Actually i wanted to add this song just now. but dunno why, somehow or another, i was under this impression that the song i wanted to add was Numb, and i was about to comment on why i added the song, until i realised that it was the wrong song. oh wells.. Anw, i dunno why i wanted this song suddenly too. I dun even know why i liked it in the first place.. 6 yrs ago.. i was viewing the weekly MTV Asia.. I tot it was a lousy song intially.. too noisy.. but later on, i slowly liked it.. it's a gradual and hmmm.. Painful process? I dunno, the song sounds quite painful.. It speaks of betrayal perhaps? Just the feeling of being pushed into sheer darkness.. "I tried so hard and got so far.. but in the end it doesn't even matter.. i had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.. I put my trust in you, and pushed as far as i can go.. but for all these there's only one thing you should know.." Unfortunately, i stil can't find the perfect blogskin to complement this song.. ANd i dun have photoshop to design the blogskin. Actually i came across one that's perfect for such senario, unfortunately, it lacked the layout. The tagboard was but a small little box. ANd the worst thing is that, there was no link for the main blog entries. -_-" A good blogskin wasted just like that.. Maybe i'll change the song to Ling some time later.. But i'm interested in only the opening lines of Ling.. How nice.. The fine dividing line is but a sheer figment of our own imagination.. Wednesday, August 09, 2006 @ 12:28 PM
No more virus Yay! Now i confirmed my virus is gone.. i can d/l mails from hotmail le!! ~~ @ 12:04 PM
Tian Shi Xin Just watched Tian Shi Xin just now.. Actually i dunno why i watched it, i just knew that in the morning when i woke up, i was eagerly reading the TV compass trying to look for a nice show.. and i spotted this name, which looked like tian shi wo ai ni.. haha.. so just watched lorx.. It's a rather touching show. THough the setting was rather old, perhaps in the 80s? Still, from the show, i see the close-knittedness within a neighbourhood and how relationships can be so neatly woven together.. The show speaks of a couple having two children. One being AN An who was born with an inherent heart disorder. ANother one was CHeng Cheng, born with some nervous defect or something, causing damages to his cranial nerves, thus leading to his inability to learn things fast.. Despite having children with disorders, the couple pushed on, loving them with all their heart, showering them with love and concern. Never once had they given up on them. Even as Cheng2 ruined their businesses times and again, they can only leave it to their own fate.. Until one day, disaster striked the family. Cheng was invovled in a car accident, whereas An's suffered a relapse of her heart prob. Immediately, the whole family was reduced to almost nothingness as the mum almost lost control of herself.. It was later confirmed that cheng would undeniable enter a state of coma and was declared as being brain dead; An needed a heart transplant -- fast, else her life would be at stake.. A tough decision has to be made; both are their flesh and blood.. ANd finally.. The father made a cruel decision that pierced through the couple's heart like nothing would have ever did. BUt still, it was the best possible way out.. To end the life of Cheng and arrange for a heart transplant for An using cheng's heart.. I felt that this was a painful but necessary decision to be made.. To make necessary sacrifices and not holding on excessively to things that can never be brought back.. TO salvage those that can still be left to save, instead of losing everything eventually.. At least cheng stil live on with them, though taking a different form. His heart is now in An, beating together as one. They have managed to gain a son and a daughter from this seemingly inhuman decision.. LIfe goes on.. Decisions have to be made.. Sacrifices are inevitable.. |
